Unfailingly, when I’m at a sporting event, I always wonder if stadium vendors get a sense of the action going on in front of them. Are they there because they’re fans of the home team? The sport? Drunks? The thrill of catching a foul ball in the back of the noggin? To get a sweet shoulder workout?

If you’ve been watching any of this week’s Rome Masters (and if you’re from the U.S., you probably haven’t been), you’ve noticed many of the stadium vendors settling almost all of my curiosities.

All over the tournament, various vendors during various matches can be seen poppin’ a squat during matches. Not in between matches while fans are filing out, and not squatting momentarily to count change so as not to block the view of fans sitting behind them.

Sitting. Chillin’. During play.

Frankly, I’m not sure what surprises me more: That a) I’ve never seen vendors do this before, b) they chose to take their break in the premium seats, c) there are apparently plenty of front row seats available during matches involving Federer or Verdasco (not pictured) or d) that I was able to come up with three things about tennis food vendors that shocked me.

Not too shabby.

The only thing left for me to ponder is how many cotton candy clumps vendors steal from the bags when no one’s looking.

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Kudos to Tennistoday for the screen caps

…I’m totally getting rid of my Gillette razor.

What? The Patriots got punched in the mouth on Monday? Well, were they at home when it happened? No? Well, still …

Recently another high school team wiped the floor with their opponent, as the Chaminade-Madonna football squad beat the Pompano Beach team for an 83-0 finish.

These lopsided battles are looking less like victories as the winning team must defend why they were so much better. This sort of controversy was recently visited, less than a year ago, when the Covenant High School in Dallas girls’ basketball team knocked out a 100-0 game. The girls were chastised for the seemingly over-the-top win. They even allowed themselves to be guilted into an apology (it’s a Christian school after all) and then when the coach pointed out the facts, that the girls “played the game the way it was meant to be played”, he was fired. That right there sounds just as extreme as losing a basketball game by a 100-point margin while remaining scoreless. Way to lead by example.

But back to the football game. This was not a ‘gimme’ game. It wasn’t the #1 Class AAA school laying a smackdown on Hick’s Crossings Second Chance High for Wayward Children of Malnourished Immigrants. The teams played the entire second half with a running clock. They pointed out that the scoreless Pompano Beach actually beat them last year. All this was is a game that happened to end up more one-sided than most. It was an honest competition, possibly with some extra luck on one side.

So rather than be upset by the score spread, I think we should be upset at the idea of questioning it, at reprimanding a team for daring to…well, for daring to be so good. Sure, the parents and coaches can get upset and hurl words like “humiliation” and “integrity” around, but what is their solution? And where does the coddling end? Isn’t high school the place where you stop being polite and start being real?

In 1991, the Cleveland Cavaliers took the Miami Heat for a 148-80 ride, a margin of 68 points. In 1944 the Detroit Red Wings dominated the New York Rangers 15-0. (Given that you’re more likely to see a 1-0 NHL games than, say, a 5-0 game, that’s quite the spread as well.) Do you think either of these teams were chastised for the humiliation they brought upon their opponents? It’s more likely the Heat and Rangers were forced to wear pretty pink dresses for their next practice to remind them of what they’d just been made to look like. But had any of the disgraced teammates been part of something like the Pompano Beach Massacre, they might have been sitting around the next day waiting for their apology.

Taking it another step back, just the week before Chaminade-Madonna reminded their opponents what their butts looked like as they handed them to them in little gift-wrapped boxes, the Air Force football team put on another show of similar magnitude. Not this kind of show, one that took place on the ground. The Air Force Falcons, who are not exactly known for being good, whupped Nicholls State Colonels (who are not exactly known) 72-0. The overlying theme here was not how upset Nicholls State was. I dare say Air Force even seemed a tad excited about the whole deal.

So, in honor of Pompano Beach, I have some advice for other athletes around the world. LeBron James, could you maybe not shoot so much? Try just dribbling in circles to use up time every once in awhile. You too, Kobe. In fact, while we’re at it, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Mr. Ovechkin. I want more passing, less shooting. Yes, this includes when you have a wide open shot, because how fair is that? Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal … ? Actually, you two are good. Perfect way to intersperse some disheartening defeat in with the spectacular wins. Uh, keep up the good work guys. And Tiger? Well I’m about to make you play the entire round with a 7-iron if you don’t watch yourself. Think of the children, think of the example you’re setting for high school teams like Pompano Beach that just may be led to believe that it’s okay for someone who’s really, really good to occasionally trounce their competition.

Remember when the color red used to signify passion? Perhaps war? Blood, if you’re into specifics? Well take some photos of all that and put ‘em in a scrapbook, because — yes, pictures of red things. No, I don’t know specifically what you should photograph. It was more of a pithy introduction to the blog than an actual suggestion. Besides, I’m the warning guy, not the idea guy. How you take pictures is your problem, but you should do it quickly because Nike is co-opting one of our most beloved colors. Any minute now, Nike’s going to change the way we think about red.

They’ve already started. You’ve already fallen victim. And it’s only going to get worse.

There aren’t too many corporations that have the power to change the public perception of an entire color and even fewer of those corporations that would have any desire to. With Nike, they’re working on a Pavlovian branding tactic. You see red, you think Nike. Not ketchup. Not Corvettes. Not Twizzlers. Not AIDS. Nike.

Serena Williams' U.S. Open 2008 Day Dress. Which, for our color blind readers, is red.

By now most people have identified Tiger Wood‘s “Sunday Red.” It used to be that if you saw Tiger wearing red (pictured above), it wasn’t long until he’d be winning something. Since Tiger has taken the last 15 months off (one way or the other) it’s become clear that Nike has started absorbing additional athletes into its crimson tide. Former tennis champ Maria Sharapova can be seen modeling any number of Nike sweatshirts (also pictured above), the most circulated of these ads featuring the Sharapova Supernova in a brilliant carmine hoodie. Then there’s Roger Federer‘s duds for the U.S. Open, which looked as if smaller, Swiss-y shirts were were made from Tiger’s used Sunday reds (I don’t mean to insult your intelligence by telling you that Federer, too, is pictured above, but I’ve got to make sure we’re covered). Roger Federer? Red. Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo? Red. Serena Williams? Last year’s U.S. Open dress was widely publicized … red. Dwyane Wade just jumped shipped from Converse (bought by Nike) to Nike’s Jumpman 23 campaign. So, in keeping with the stylistic theme I’m going with here: Dwyane Wade of the Miami Heat? Red (sometimes). Dwyane Wade when he signs with the Bulls next season? Red. Oh, and that Jumpman 23 campaign? That’s Michael Jordan. Bulls again. That’s red. LeBron James? Wine colored. Which we can agree is in the red family, especially when everything else surrounding him is in black and white. And make no mistake, there will be some stars signed by Nike that simply won’t be able to fit red into their on-field color scheme (Lance Armstrong, Troy Polamalu, Derek Jeter, etc.), but then I’d like to direct you to every other commercial Nike has ever done: no color at all.

It’s not that Nike will control how red is used in everyday life, it’s that it’ll soon control how we think of red in everyday life. Soon ketchup will remind us all of Sharapova’s animalistic grunts (if it doesn’t already) and cherry Starbursts will make us recall how sweet it is to be Ronaldo (as should be the intended result of all candies).

You watch. Nike’s not zeroing in on red, it’s using red to zero in on us and all I’ve got is my double-knit, flat-backed mesh red workout shirt to use as a shield.

Well, neither Williams sister made it to the U.S. Open finals and so now seems as good as any time to bring up the fact that the Williams – especially Serena – lollygag their way through small WTA events and earn their keep during the big four Slams. Except that this time around, they didn’t really earn their keep, did they? What follows are two sides of the argument weighing the worth of the season’s other tournaments and the duty that the sisters may or may not have to them.

After winning Wimbledon two weeks ago, 15-time Grand Slam champ Roger Federer was given a timely spot from Nike congratulating their endorsement face of men’s tennis using other such Nike stars as John McEnroe, Pete Sampras, Serena Williams, Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan. The “Love Fifteen” campaign is also a nod to a 2007 ad that highlighted Federer’s background and early life. Both commercials are just two instruments in the symphony orchestra that has been Nike’s athletic commercials in the last 20 years. So because it’s the slowest part of the year and because I feel like it, let’s look back at Nike’s 10 best commercials.

Click the pics after the jump.

10. “Chicks Dig the Longball” (1996)

This ad solidifies Greg Maddux as the best geek-pitcher in baseball history. I’m hoping Tom Glavine at least felt a little uncomfortable asking his teammate if he’s “getting bigger” while naked in the sauna.

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09. “Enjoy the Weather” (2001)

How did no one bring up this commercial after Lance Armstrong said Stage 7 of this year’s Giro d’Italia was way too dangerous? Woulda been ballsy.

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08. “Bo Don’t Know Diddley” (1989)

Someone forgot to send the Great One the memo about not being racist in Nike ads. If Bo can hit a 95 mph fastball, uh, I’m pretty sure he can skate Wayne. Racist.

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07. “Defy” (2006)

This spot best captures Nike’s ability to also illustrate moments in sports and not just the players within them. Here is a collection of athletes suspended in mid-air at different times in different sports.

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06. “Leave Nothing” (2007)

Quick! Name a more intense commercial. You can’t do it. Now take a deep breath and take a guess whether Steven Jackson makes it across the goal line.

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05. “The Spike & Mike Show” (1987)

When you think of Nike, you think of my main man, Michael Jordan. And a lot of why you think of him was because of everybody between ages six and 56 repeating the mantra: “Money, it’s gotta be the shoes!” Still the best pair of Jordans Nike ever made.

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04. “Fenway’s Generations” (2004)

This spot, which was shot and edited in one day, brings a familiar idea into a timely and visually interesting ad. Alas, Nike gets docked a few points for inadequately representing how obnoxious Sawx fans have become over the last few decades.

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03. “Huarache 2K4 Evolution” (2004)

I don’t remember seeing this on television, but it’s possible I just blocked it out of my memory because I hate sandals (especially when they’re from South America) and I just mistook this look at the Huarache evolution as something benign. It’s not, it’s mesmerizing, which is hard to gleam from a sandal.

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02. “Let Your Game Speak” (2006)

Easily Nike’s most cleverly executed spot. It shows off a culmination of everything Nike has learned to do well: Promote a top athlete, subtly orchestrate a viewpoint, encapsulate small moments of sports, while simultaneously adding to the mystique of those moments … plus maximum use of slow motion.
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01. “Trick Shot” (1999)

The beauty of this ad is that it’s all Tiger Woods. It’s not clever, it’s not moving and it’s not slick … because it doesn’t have to be any of those things. An Nike knew that, because Nike is the Tiger Woods of athletic-wear. Now do you get it? See? They belong together.

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All screenshots courtesy of YouTube

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]]> http://blog.sportscape.tv/2009/07/18/the-10-best-nike-commercials-of-all-time/feed/ 0 http://blog.sportscape.tv/2009/06/11/improving-sports-security-one-tackle-at-a-time/ http://blog.sportscape.tv/2009/06/11/improving-sports-security-one-tackle-at-a-time/#comments Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:16:01 +0000 Adam http://blog.sportscape.tv/?p=1281 Admit it, you've been at a game and thought, "I wonder if I could throw the rest of this soft pretzel far enough for it to land on the court" or "I bet I can hop this right field wall and sprint to the left field wall before security runs me down" or even "the next goal David Beckham bends, I'm hopping this railing and I'm kissing him. I don't care, I'm kissing him." Don't pretend that you haven't wondered how much of a disturbance you can be at some sporting event. I know you have. ]]>

Admit it, you’ve been at a game and thought, “I wonder if I could throw the rest of this soft pretzel far enough for it to land on the court” or “I bet I can hop this right field wall and sprint to the left field wall before security runs me down” or even “the next goal David Beckham bends, I’m hopping this railing and I’m kissing him. I don’t care, I’m kissing him.” Don’t pretend that you haven’t wondered how much of a disturbance you can be at some sporting event. I know you have.

Most of us don’t follow through with these thoughts. After all, tickets are expensive and games lose a lot of their charm when viewed from a jail cell. The reality is that you probably can land that pretzel on the court and if you’re fast, you’ve got a shockingly good chance of going the distance in a ballpark. I mean, if Drew Barrymore can do it, how hard can it be? Most sports security guards are fat guys unprepared to run or old guys unprepared to tell the fat guys that they can’t run. The key word here is unprepared.

After watching Swiss Cheesy (pictured) delay Sunday’s French Open final between Roger Federer and Robin Soderling by bum-rushing the court with a flag, a cap and seemingly no plan on what to do with either, it occurred to me just how unsafe athletes really are. Here’s the VIDEO of the incident. (Sidebar: Kudos to Roger Federer for keeping his cool. If anyone in knee socks ever ran up to me at any point in my life and I had an object like a racket to whack him with, I don’t think I’d stop hitting him with it until either the guy or the object were broken into several pieces)

Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via Getty Images

Anyway, five guards chase after this guy like they were part of a Buster Keaton movie and they never catch him. It takes a sixth more in-shape guard to flatten this guy. And how many guards in how many sporting events have you been to where you were fairly certain you could take ‘em if you had to? I’m not saying fan craziness is an epidemic and that athletes are consistently in danger. I’m saying there’s a paper tiger standing between a dangerous fan and an athlete in any given sport on any given day and there shouldn’t be.

Can you imagine if you walked into a bar and the bouncer was 85 years old? Why bother? Father Time ain’t going to stop anyone from fighting. The same thing with security guards who aren’t prepared and willing to get messy. The problem here is that most sane people don’t want to hit or be hit (okay, that’s not a problem, but it is a cause). The solution is simple: Hire washed up athletes. Good security needs to be athletic enough to catch drunks in an open sprint and angry enough to hope for someone to try such a stunt. It’s the anger that I feel is lacking from most security staff. There’s always a gaggle of guards that are hoping if they just surround the intruder, he’ll politely put his hands in the air and give up. This of course never happens because if the offender were polite, he’d still be in his seat calling Alex Rodriguez “A-Roid” or whatever drunks do when they’re seated. So one of the guards comes barelling out of nowhere and pancakes a sucker. Instead of 1-out-of-6 doing this, they all need to start doing this. If security guards were washed-up athletes, you can bet they’d be frustrated and you could bet they’d take it out on any and all fools interested in getting a cheap laugh from a few thousand fans.

Who knows, they might also stop someone intent on doing harm.