Several times over the course of Saturday’s surprisingly exciting Game 1, the ESPN camera crew showed Pacers GM Larry Bird sitting about nine rows up in Chicago’s United Center. Just chillin’ among the people. No biggie. How long after he got to his seat do you suppose it took the guy to Bird’s left to notice he was sitting next to one of the 10 all-time greatest basketball players?

Dude To Bird’s Left, “Game One. Awesome! Got my Rose jersey, got my soft pretzel with light butter, got my scratch-off card for the chance to win a free small coffee at Dunkin Donuts if the small coffee wins the little scoreboard race in the second quart– holy f#%@! Is that Larry Bird!?! Judy, hey Judy. Is that Larry Bird to my right? What do you mean ‘who’s Larry Bird?’ From the Celtics? Yes, I know the Bulls are playing the Pacers, Larry Bird played for the – oh, the hell with it.”

Despite the fact that the dude probably spent the next 20 minutes thinking about divorcing Judy, it must have been pretty cool … until the final :58 seconds of the game when Bird’s Pacers pooped the bed and Larry was looking for someone to backslap in the throat.

Also, I know Bird enjoys sitting among the people at games, but why buy out a half-row for your management staff that looks as if they’d rather be spending this time at the Chicago Cultural Center?

]]> http://blog.sportscape.tv/2011/04/16/larry-birds-great-deal-on-craigslist-tickets/feed/ 0 http://blog.sportscape.tv/2011/03/02/ill-never-buy-a-kia-now/ http://blog.sportscape.tv/2011/03/02/ill-never-buy-a-kia-now/#comments Wed, 02 Mar 2011 12:00:03 +0000 Adam http://blog.sportscape.tv/?p=4514 It’s been more than a week since NBA’s All-Star Weekend and the subsequent sham of a dunk contest, but I’m still mad about it. I should let it go, but Kia won’t let me.]]>

Say what you will, Nate's knee was as high as Blake's waist. And I was unimpressed with Nate's dunk.

It’s been more than a week since NBA’s All-Star Weekend and the subsequent sham of a dunk contest, but I’m still mad about it. I should let it go, but Kia won’t let me.

First thing’s first, I’m aware All-Star weekend isn’t for me. I like bounce-passes and trap defense. I’m aware that Rondo is the best Celtic and that LaMarcus Aldridge is having a better year than Tim Duncan. All-Star Weekend is for casual fans and kids. Fair enough. This won’t be a post calling for the eradication of the Dunk Contest. It will, however, be a post calling for the eradication of calling it the Dunk Contest. By no means was February 18^th display of dunkability a contest. Not when an NBA sponsor plans and executes a commercial campaign hinging on the most marketable player in the exhibition incorporating their product into his performance. Call the thing the 2011 Sprite Slam Dunk Showcase and be done with it. If you remove all pretenses of competition and fairness and shift the focus to guys fooling around in a gym, you may have something.

Actually, you’d have the exact same product with fewer people like me bitching about it being rigged. It’s not the product placement that bothers me. If you watch sports with any regularity, developing insensitivity to product placement is a defense mechanism. It’s the falsified nature of the proceedings. Why have old school judges? Why have scorecards or elimination rounds or slam coaches if none of it matters? Why lie?

Yeah. Blake, we got it. You know how to do all the dunks.

By keeping the charade that Blake Griffin wasn’t the decided winner weeks before he ripped off Vince Carter’s 2002 arm cradle jam and then jumped over an object just half the size of Dwight Howard (though slightly shinier), the NBA – and by proxy, Kia – agitate the entire proceedings. Former slam king and serial baby-daddy Shawn Kemp said he could have jumped over the hood of that Kia. Kemp could have jumped over the roof of it in 1994. But, yeah, 17 years and about 300 pounds later, Kemp probably could have jumped over the hood of that car. It wasn’t about the dunk. It was the fact that they rolled out a car. Rolled out an unmic’ed gospel choir. Rolled out commercial cameras and eventually rolled out ad campaigns promoting, not a dunk, or athleticism, but a Kia.

A damned Kia. When Josh Smith whipped out his ‘Nique jersey, he was promoting team companionship. When Dee Brown pumped his Reeboks he was promoting an already famous promotion. When Dr. J took off from the free throw line, he was promoting afros (I assume). But it was all organic; humorous; from someplace real. Even Dwight Howard’s phone booth prop from last season was, at least, engaging his personal fandom of Superman. He wasn’t selling a DC comics commercial. Griffin’s dunk came from a very false place. He even admitted his dunks weren’t his idea.

If that’s how it’s gonna be, just skip it. Or change it. Hell, let’s get Kemp and ‘Nique and Dr. J back on the floor and see if they’ve still got it, ‘cause watching marketing teams create lame dunks for superstars in order to push product is older than any of those guys combined.

Fig.1 – LeBron James’ passing ability is unreal for his height.
Of the top 20 assist-leaders in the game, James is the only “forward-sized” player on the list. If it weren’t for Jason Kidd, James would be the only player 6-foot-3 or taller to be on this list.

Fig.2 – It’s weird if Kevin Love is on the court and he doesn’t grab a rebound.
Think about what this means. For every single rebound available – both on the offensive glass and defensive glass – Love is going to grab one of every five. One. In every five. He plays 37 minutes a game. Unreal.

The True Non-Blake Griffin Rookie of the Year

Fig. 3 – Stop telling me Landry Fields would be this year’s Rookie of the Year if it weren’t for Blake Griffin.
Look at this graph. This measures the Game Scores of both Landry Fields and John Wall through the first 58 games of the season. When Wall is healthy, he absolutely canvasses Fields. Four of the five best games of the season belong to Wall along with 17 of the top 25. The only two arguments you can give me is that Fields has played every game of the season so far as Wall has missed a dozen. That’s true. You’re not lying, but look at the chart once Wall was healthy. From games 30 through 58, Fields has had five better games than Wall. Five. That’s 18 percent of those games. If the dozen games that Wall missed is enough to deny that he has been better than Fields, then why aren’t 23-out-of-28 games enough to settle that Wall has played better than Fields? You could also tell me that Wall doesn’t make the players around him better, and that – according to both team’s records – Landry does. I can’t deny that Wall is on an awful team, but I will argue that JaVale McGee, Nick Young, Al Thornton, Cartier Martin and Trevor Booker are all having their best statistical NBA season. Yeah, but those guys blow. Exactly. You know who doesn’t blow? Amar’e Stoudemire.

Fig. 4 – No more calling Steve Nash old.
And if you do, you’d better call the rest of the Suns terrible, because that’s what they’d be if Nash wasn’t distributing more than half of the team’s total assists this season.

Fig. 4 – If your fantasy basketball team just had guys named Kevin, you’re probably in first place.
Among the 20 most efficient players in the NBA (a good metric for calculating total worth), 17 guys are not named Kevin. You’d have to roster Garnett and Seraphin, which would just be a weird fantasy team, but still … it would be in first place.

No, Derrick Rose Isn’t The MVP

Fig. 5 – … Unless someone figures out how to quantify “Gives A Damn” and creates a stat for it.
Go back into this blog’s archives, searching my LeBron posts if you want to know how I feel about the guy. I don’t like telling you that he’s outplaying Rose. But he is. He just is. I know that Rose has carried the Bulls all season without ever having a healthy roster and I know James has Bosh and Wade, but that helps James’ cause, not hurt it. Rose doesn’t have to share with the same firepower James does. And while the Bulls have a surprising third-best Eastern Conference record, the Heat have the second-best. This is a close race, but the closer you look, the clearer it is that the applause shouldn’t come from Rose surpassing James, just closing the gap a bunch.

I don’t take a moral high ground with MVP awards. The Most Valuable Player should go to the best player. LeBron James is the best player in the league (dammit). He could be much, much better. Rose might not be able to be much, much better. I will say this though, Rose hit less than 0.5 threes per game last season. This year, he’s sinking 1.5. Like runaway robots in sci-fi horror movies, it’s …. learning. Also, Rose and James averages the same amount of blocked shots each game (0.6). James is five inches taller than Rose. That’s about as close as I can get to proving that James doesn’t play nearly as hard as Rose. Watch the two of them. It’s not even close. I’d give the MVP to James, but the Bulls are 2-0 against the Heat this season, which might prove to garner Rose much bigger accolades down the road.

Much has been made of the comments made by lovable D.C. Wizard wackadoodle Gilbert Arenas. Early last week, ol’ Gil said part of his job was to “teach John [Wall] the ins and outs of the game, and then eventually go on and move on – on my way.” That’s a lot of ons Gilbert is planning. It wasn’t Arenas’ redundant grammar that threw the media into a tizzy, but for as far off the point as media outlets have been on this story, it might as well have been.

After the “finger-gun incident” ended Arenas’ season in January, a mad throng of voices wondered aloud how the Wiz could keep the guy around. The throng came from all sides: Buy out his contract! Trade him for scraps! Kill the umpire! (That last one might have snuck in from ‘Casey At the Bat.’) Now 10 months after all the hubbub, Arenas quickly and passively visited the idea that he may not be a Wizard forever and the media did what the media do – they ran with the obvious story and ignored the one of greater substance.

Why run with the “what does Gil mean by ‘move on’” meme instead of the one where Agent Zero, a man whose knees he borrowed from the Mummy, whose guns he brings to the office, whose home sports a million-dollar fish tank grotto and thin altitude made to resemble the Colorado mountain region announces to the world that he’s taking the most heralded NBA rookie since LeBron James under his wing to teach him a few things?

Does D.C. want this? Does the NBA want this? Is “Hibachi” the kind of cat we want molding young minds? Arenas is acting more “normal” than the public has ever seen him act before and he still shows up with that Paul Bunyan beard. Look at it. Go ahead. Scroll up, I’ll wait. My lunch won’t be ready for another 20 minutes, take your time. That beard is Gilbert Arenas’ manifestation of normal and low-key. Gil’s beard is to “normal” what three midgets sitting on one  another’s shoulders is to “tall.”

Imagine how difficult this must be for Wall. He’s already weighted down with the pressure of being the No.1 draft pick, arriving into a situation in which he’s expected to become the franchise player by usurping the old franchise player, and on top of that the old franchise player grows a beard and tells the world that he’s going to be the Mr. Miyagi to Wall’s Daniel LaRusso.

No way. Forget Gil moving on. This mentorship is the meme to which we should be paying attention. What if Derek Jeter suddenly grew a beard and vowed to be completely different around the time the Yankees signed A-Rod and were trying to decide who had to move to third base? That would be suspicious, right? I’m pretty sure that actually happened too. Jeter never grew a beard, of course, because he’s can’t grow one, but he did briefly stop dating top-notch women and slummed it with MTV VJ Vanessa Minillo for, like, three years. Totally uncharacteristic, bro.

If I was Wiz owner Ted Lionisis, I’d snuff out this mentor-student relationship forming in D.C. because the last thing hopeful Wizards fans want to hear John Wall say is “Gil taught me everything I know.”

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Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via Getty

There are three stages to every karaoke experience. The first is the stage in which one is just so jazzed to hear  somebody – anybody – singing Salt ‘n’ Peppa’s “Shoop” that you hurl yourself into the drunken throng and decide to go up on stage next. We’ll call this the Excitement Stage. Next, is the stage in which one stupidly chooses to attempt CCR’s “Suzie Q” and remembers three minutes into the performance that the song is not only seven minutes long, but tasks the singer to say the words “Suzie” and “Q” hundreds of times before it’s over. We’ll call this the Reality Stage. The final stage starts immediately after one steps off stage and decides that although they performed awesomely, there remained some room for improvement. This is usually followed up with a drunken attempt at a Police song that is way out of their range. We’ll call this the Selective Amnesia Stage. This is the stage most fantasy hoopsters find themselves in now with Blake Griffin.

All signs point to Blake Superior’s knee being perfectly healthy and he’s quickly becoming the chic pick for Rookie of the Year. Everything that’s old is new again. Blake Griffin ROY talk, that was sooo summer ’09. By winter, we all moved on to Brandon Jennings ROY talk. I guess, just like backless suits, Griffin ROY picks are never fully out of fashion. John Wall is for the bourgeoisie. DeMarcus Cousins is for the counter-culture naves. Griffin is for people of scholarly upbringing and discerning elegance.

… Except that Griffin was projected to average 18/10 with a FT% of .610 and fewer than three assists last season. Considering he’ll still land somewhere in that range, I’m as unconvinced that’s enough to surpass Cousins or Wall’s output as I am that those averages would have earned him the ROY nod over Tyreke Evans last season. Griffin is still a beast, just as Greg Oden is still a beast, but he’s a beast with a year’s worth of worry about re-injury and rust. All of this, on top of Vinny Del Negro taking over the reigns in L.A. and finding new and intriguing ways not to play his best players during stretches where he really should be playing his best players.  Have fun with Griffin, just understand that he might not be able to hit all the high notes the second time around.  31 mpg / .560 / .610 / 0.0 3pt / 17.5 ppg / 9.5 rpg / 2.1 apg / 1.3 spg / 0.9 bpg / 3.1 tov

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Photo courtesy of Flickr

With Summer League over, I thought it might not be a bad idea to take a look at some of the big winners and losers from the three week series of exhibitions. Then I thought it might be a bad idea if people read this and begin ranking their rosters according to player output in July. Then I remembered that I only have two readers and my parents don’t start ranking their players until mid-August. So we’re good.

Take everything with a grain of salt. This is pre-season exhibition hoops starring the youngest players in the league … and J.R. Smith, who was just bored, I guess. This is a movie trailer, not the whole feature film. This isn’t even the normal trailer studios release six weeks before the film opens, this is the trailer they release a year in advance to alert you they’ve just started shooting the film. Seriously, don’t start standing in line for a movie that is nowhere near being released.

W I N N E R S

John Wall, WAS Led the league in points, assists and was second in steals, despite shooting .377 from the floor. The Great Wall of Chinatown’s performance is less noteworthy than that of his teammate, JaVale McGee. Epic Vale shot nearly 69 percent from the floor while averaging the league’s fourth most points and rebounds over five games. A John Wall that makes other Wizards better is a more dangerous John Wall than previously anticipated.

Armon Johnson, POR Finished in the top 10 in minutes played (4th), assists (10th) and steals (9th). What’s it get him? Well, if the Blazers eschew Rudy Fernandez and Patty Mills continues doing whatever Patty Mills did last year, Armon becomes their mon in Portland … right after Brandon Roy and Wesley Matthews.

DeMarcus Cousins, SAC He double-doubled in each of his four games. And managed not to break things, throw things, whine at things, ignore things, or exhibit any of the characteristics that made him drop from the No.2 pick in the draft to No.5. If Wall is a 40th-60th pick in the draft, assume Cousins won’t be far behind.

Pooh Jeter, CLE I’m pulling for this guy to get some burn if for no other reason than the prospect of a guy named Pooh and a guy named Boobie together in the Cavs backcourt at some point this season.

Jeff Teague, ATL Found himself in the top 16 in points, assists and minutes played. Teague’ll play more than last season, but not more than Mike Bibby. Meanwhle the rest of the Hawks will do everything they can to help Bibby fall down a staircase here or a black ice patch there. You know – whatever.

Dominique Jones, DAL Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle said this about his rookie guard: “Dominique has a great knack for finding the crevasses, creating space, getting the contact, and finishing …” This quote sounds like it came from a man who could use a little more attention from Mrs. Carlisle.

DeMar DeRozan, TOR Had the third-highest ppg average in the entire summer league and the highest point-per-minute average. And this is how you know the summer league is fluky.

Derrick Caracter, LAL I toyed with the idea of giving Derricter an early nickname  after he averaged 15 and 9 in the summer league, but thought better of it. As this is the only time you’ll hear from the guy for the rest of the season, it seemed disrespectful to rob the man of his name. Like when Muhammad Ali called everyone “killer” or John Wayne called everyone “sport” because they couldn’t remember or never knew anyone’s actual name. Or like how my father only refers to me as “You Again.”

Larry Sanders, MIL Not much to speak about on offense, but he led the summer league with 3.2 blocks per game and grabbed a flock of rebounds (8.4 rbd). What does one call a group of rebounds? A pride? A school? A throng? Add that to the list of things Sanders can think about while cooling his jets on Milwaukee’s bench all season.

L O S E R S

Rodrigue Beaubois, DAL An ankle tweak slowed him down, as did learning to lead the point. If Beaubois means “attractive wood,” his summer league was more of a “mochebois.” Google it.

Evan Turner, PHI His threes were off, his twos were off, his drives were off, his shot was off. Just off. Like a camper near a buggy bayou – just full of off.

Eric Bledsoe, LAC Led the summer league in minutes played, but barely cracked the top 20 in assists (17) and steals (18). A perfect replacement for Baron Davis, indeed.

Look, Lopez went down in April 2009 with a nasty back injury that more or less hampered him the remainder of that season and laid him low again in April and May 2010. Don’t scoff at back injuries either. The back is the window to the soul – assuming you’ve misplaced your soul. And even with a misplaced soul, it’s clear Lopez is developing. In just one season, Lopez jumped from a player efficiency of 12 to an 18 PER (15 is average, 20 puts you in the league’s top 30). Despite missing the last two months of his rookie season, Fro-pez’s ORtg jumped from 112 in 2009 to 123 in 2010 (107 is the league average).

So, yeah. You want him rested. Let ‘im take as many laps in the lazy river as he wants because the Suns are going to need him, his back and his silly hair to be ready come Opening Day. They’re gonna need that back issue to … well, to not be an issue. They’re gonna need him to play more than 60 games, more than 19 minutes in those games and reach the line plenty of times while ticking off those minutes. From a fantasy perspective, he’s going to need to do all the grinding, thumping big man stuff that Amar’e Stoudemire was supposed to do (but often shied away from doing). He’ll certainly get the minutes to do all that bumpin’ and grinding (eww), but if I may pull on the reigns a bit, his back hasn’t been proven to be a thing of the past yet. Don’t pass up good backs for bad backs. Or baby backs. Or greenbacks. But if Sideshow Rob is still available in the last third of your draft – pounce.

It’ll be the Lopez Show at times for the Suns, which might cause some immigration problems down in Phoenix, but none for your team. 32 mpg / .570 / .720 / 0.0 / 15.1 pts / 8.0 rbd / 0.6 ast / 0.5 stl / 1.8 blk / 2.0 tov

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Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via Getty Images

Tiago Splitter

Unless you spell it “Dunkin.”

What I’m saying is, I don’t really need to run down Splitter’s splits in the Spanish league. You know he’s that league’s reigning MVP and his name is Tiago Splitter.

Okay, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to know that the guy San Antonio has been trying to bring over here for three years is here and will jump right into his rookie year in the NBA either playing alongside Duncan at center or backing him up with DeJuan Blair filling the four. People felt Blair was a nice late pick last year, but feared his knees wouldn’t hold up to a full NBA season (he played all 82 games). Splitter comes with more promise and fewer concerns than DeJuan. Considering Splitter’s polished game (aside from an overly physical tendency that might land him in foul trouble) and Duncan’s minutes steadily declining in each of his last five seasons, this guy is primed for a surprising season that should come out of nowhere for a lot of fantasy owners. Don’t be one of ‘em. Remember the name: Tiago Splitter.  25.3 mpg / .515 / .770 / 0.0 3ptm / 11.1 pts / 6.6 rbd/ 1.6 ast / 0.9 stl / 0.7 blk / 1.6 tov

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Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via the AP

Ever since the epic exodus of Zydrunas Ilgauskas from the Cavaliers, it’s been almost entirely forgotten that Cleveland still has a few players remaining on its roster. And because Big Z is no longer on the team averaging tons of points and tons of minutes, the good news for fantasy owners is that the leftovers are all likely to produce more. We might never have had a Steve Young if Joe Montana hadn’t missed the entire ’91 season. We might never have had Harrison Ford if Kurt Russell had been cast as Han Solo. And we might never get to see J.J. Hickson‘s 15/7 season if Ilgauskas hadn’t singularly broken the hearts of Ohioans (Ohioates? Ohiomans? Ohiomies?) by moving to Miami. What a bastard. Seriously, have you talked to a Cavs fan lately? They’re so mishugenuh about losing Z that everytime I’ve mentioned to one of them how hard it must be root for a Ilgauskas-less Cavs team, they look at me as if I’m both stupid and missing some larger picture that I’m sure I’m not missing.

Double-J improved steadily, if not loudly, in his sophomore season, starting 73 of the 81 games he played. And while he only played 21 minutes and fought for his touches while on the floor (earning only an 18.9 USG% last season), he was a defensive force and an offensive weapon when given the chance. A guy who can navigate through Shaquille O’Neal, Z, Anderson Varejao and the addition of Antawn Jamison 2/3 of the way through the season while generally improving is a guy set to break out with far fewer obstacles in his way the following season. New coach Byron Scott has already hinted at bringing Jamison off the bench and Juicy-Juice’s 24/7 summer league averages aren’t doing anything to make him re-think this stance. Even if Jamison does start and Hickson is the first off the bench, he’ll own that Sixth Man role and he’ll have center eligibility to go with it. Watch him make Cleveland forget all about … Zydrunas Ilgauskas. 30.3 min / .624 / .691 / 0.0 3pt / 14.6 pts / 7.2 rbd / 1.3 ast / 0.8 stl / 0.8 blk / 1.5 tov

Prokhorov was going to change the Nets. He was going to bring LeBron aboard (strike one), along with another big free agent (strike two, unless Jordan Farmar is considered big – which he is not) and he was going to create a playoff-worthy team in 2011 that would win a championship by 2015 (probably strike three). And he made Nets fans confident that it would happen. Then it didn’t and what is happening in New Jersey makes the back of my eyeballs hurt.

Anthony Morrow as your team’s biggest acquisition will do that to eyeballs. This isn’t to say Anthony Morrow isn’t a good acquisition – he is. It is. They both is. Whatever. Bone Morrow is capable of giving fantasy owners 15 points and 2-3 treys a night. But he won’t. Not this year. Not this team. Not playing the 27-30 minutes a game he’ll manage to steal from sophomore Terrence Williams and third-year Courtney Lee. Morrow has the highest upside of this trio. Williams is the most likely to develop more of a small forward’s game and Lee is the best defender. But anything Lee can do Morrow can do better is the tune I’d sing if Annie got her gun, stuck it to my head and told me sing her a story.

You’re all into musical theater, right?

There’s worth here. And there. And right there. No, not there. That’s Johan Petro. Behind him. There. But come draft day, I’d wait to grab Lee three or four rounds later than when it feels right or not at all until the picture becomes clearer in Mudville. 31 mpg / .440 / .855 / 0.9 3pt / 11.5 pts / 2.8 rbd / 2.2 ast / 1.0 stl / 0.4 blk / 2.0 tov

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