The reason?

He turned a simple traffic stop for missing his front license plate into a 140 mph chase that lasted over 50 miles.

James Neal, 56, was signaled to pull over his 2003 Corvette but opted instead to stomp on the only pedal NASCAR drivers need worry about. Fifty miles (and 20 minutes) later, his ‘vette’s engine blew up and the cops arrested him without a struggle.

Before his car asploded, Neal had more or less escaped the police. The sheriff’s department said that because the license plate crime was so minor and the old spikey-haired man was driving like a … well, like an old man with spiked hair, the Highway Patrol stopped its pursuit in hopes that he’d slow down and not kill anyone. They planned to head him off at the pass, which in this case was Interstate 5 outside of La Jolla.

Neal faces a month in jail. But because he never won a national race, that probably doesn’t bother you as much as the fact that a Corvette can’t open up to 130 mph for half and hour without needing a pit stop.

That shatters a lot of my dreams, man.

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Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via the AP

Here’s a recap of the weirdest or most overlooked sports stories on the Interweb this week. Plus, as you’ve come to expect, the sweet, sweet relief of on sports.

Monday Eighty percent of athletes’ marriages end in divorce. Ninety percent of ex-athletes’ wives end up rich. Sports Culture
Tuesday The pics of a dead coyote stuck in the grill of a NASCAR will haunt your dreams. They collided at 140 mph. NASCAR
Wednesday What do you get for the swimfan religiously forbidden from baring skin? A birquini, of course. Swimming
Thursday Baseball players aren’t the only ones getting artificially pumped up. Basketball box scores are juicers too. Basketball
Friday MLB.com videos take a while to load, but watching Vlad Guerrero hit a bounced ball is WAY worth it. Baseball
Saturday Not sure if the play you just saw was nice? The clapping ref is a dead giveaway. Baskeball
Sunday Usain Bolt crushed the 100m world record in last year’s Olympics. On Saturday, he broke it again. Track & Field
Eighth Day “Didja see SportsCenter today?” “Yeah, a little. While I was peeing.” This thing is going to make billions.

Last week, Forbes Magazine, through E-Poll surveys, polled its readers and compiled a top 10 list of the most disliked people in sports. I was confused at first why it was Forbes and not, say, Sports Illustrated executing such a poll. I mean, these are sports figures we’re talking about, isn’t ESPN’s magazine better equipped? Forbes may not be the foremost expert on sports, but flip through any issue of their magazine or click on any page of their web site … dudes know a lot about hateable personalities.

But the list isn’t as much of a reflection of the Forbes company as it is about the company’s readers (ages 13 and up). And what’s reflected is a severe case of “lemmingism.” Everyone who made the list makes sense, but are they a true reflection of the most disliked sports figures?

I mean, hockey is one of the five largest sports in the country (and Canada, if you care) and no one from the NHL represented. Most of the names you’ll see here are hated because of overexposure more than their actions that caused the overexposure. Can they be blamed for that? And if they can, why isn’t Erin Andrews at the top of this list? (She’s not) Heck, one of these guys retired 17 years ago. Is that the best (worst) Forbes readers could come up with? Do they even follow sports?

In the words of the 10th most disliked athlete, “you cannot be serious.”

1. Michael Vick
Why he’s here? Yeah, okay. This isn’t surprising. He had dogs kill one another in his off time. Honestly, if Vick had murdered a human, his jail sentence would have been longer, but he’d be no more hated than he is now.
Does he belong? I’ll put it this way … yes. Yes, he does.
Possible replacement Brett Favre. Vick’s infamy was brutal and awful, but it was also original. You know what isn’t original? Brett Favre’s annual hijacking of the sports pages while he decides if he wants to be a professional suckwad or a retired suckwad. Most of the guys on this list are on here because people are tired of hearing about them. On that front, Favre is head, shoulders and suckwad ahead of everyone else.

2. Manny Ramirez
Why he’s here? Steroids. He used ‘em. He got caught for using ‘em and he missed almost a third of the season for using ‘em.
Does he belong? Dodger fans don’t think so. Manny gets L.A. fans giggly-er than girls at a sleepover.
Possible replacement Sean Avery. I wanted to put a woman on here, but I’m unconvinced that Serena Williams counts. I guess Avery is as close as we’re going to get. I mean, c’mon … these are women’s sunglasses, dude. New York’s self-proclaimed bad boy has literally lobbied to be marketed like a WWE villain, which is not only a tacit admittance that he’s a wanker on the ice, but he’s seemingly badmouthed every last one of his hot and famous ex-girlfriends. Anyone who badmouths Elisha Cuthbert: unlikable. That’s a rule.

3. Alex Rodriguez
Why he’s here? Overexposure. Perhaps the overwhelming disgust for both Madonna and Kate Hudson has spilled over onto him as well.
Does he belong? If you take into account America’s tendency to convert jealousy into hatred along with the fact that he’s dating a movie starlet, makes $25 million a year to play a game in the most famous city in the world and cheated so as to help him achieve all these things, then yeah. I reckon he belongs.
Possible replacement Kyle Busch. This little pipsqueak. This picture best illustrates why he really ought to have made this list. And if you’re a NASCAR apologist, then what about when he snapped the Nashville Superspeedway Les Paul guitar trophy into shards ’cause he was just so gosh darned excited. A-Rod’s a tool that seems embarrassed by himself a lot of the time. Busch shares no such embarrassment.

4. Terrell Owens
Why he’s here? An inability to censor his narcissism.
Does he belong? He belongs for the amount of time various media outlets have spent talking about him over the years, but generally, Owens has done very little to warrant the ire of the American people. At worst, he’s been a bad teammate. Then again, his statistics suggest he’s made his teams better. It’s all about perception.
Possible replacement Tom Brady. Oh no! Not my sweet Tom. What’s he ever done to anyone except urinate awesomeness and use unicorn horns to pick Superbowl glory out of his teeth? Well go ask Bridget Moynahan. He knocked up Coyote Ugly, split while she was pregnant, ignored the birth while pretending not to ignore the birth, hooked up with a Brazilian supermodel (superfluous pic here) and impotently allowed her to treat Moynahan’s kid as if it were her own. Oh, then he had the gall to skip the 2008 season. So I ask you, what’s worse: being a bad teammate with good stats or being a bad husband, father and man with no stats?

5. Kobe Bryant
Why he’s here? Smugness and possibly rape. Mostly smugness.
Does he belong? For the smugness? Yes. For the possible rape? I’d have to visit Denver a few more times to say for certain.
Possible replacement Fedor Emelianenko. People just don’t like it when someone so obviously talented doesn’t need fans’ approval to stay talented. We don’t like when talented people clamor for it either (see: Rod, A) but when you’re good and you know it and no one can do a damn thing about it, it tends to alienate fans. Fans want to feel a part of it all and when they know they’re not a part of any of it, it pisses them off. Now you tell me, which one of these two was I just talking about?

6. Allen Iverson
Why he’s here? Because people like “gangsters,” not “gangstas.”
Does he belong? Iverson hasn’t been relevant in two years. Right now, only three teams have shown any interest in paying him to play basketball and one of those teams is in Greece. Hating an irrelevant Iverson is like hating the words to a song a toddler just wrote.
Possible replacement Mark Cuban. If the fine readers over at Forbes want to flippantly throw Iverson on here because he came into the NBA with cornrows and tattoos and everyone was depressed that Michael Jordan was gone, that’s fine. Now allow me to retort by submitting my own irrationally-justified basketball personality. Mark Cuban is loud, he picks fights with players, his hair is often mussed, he likes Jason Kidd too much, his cha-cha-cha is a 1/2-step too slow and he was accused of insider trading. But go ahead, convince me a neck tattoo is worse.

7. Isiah Thomas
Why he’s here? Sexual harassment … and because he hasn’t done anything well since 1993.
Does he belong? Oh yeah. He might have tried to kill himself and when it didn’t work, he might have tried convincing authorities that his daughter was the one who was ill. Also he sexual harassed a woman (not daughter related).
Possible replacement I had a whole case for either Al Davis or George Steinbrenner and although they both totally deserve to be on here, the readers polled by Forbes accidentally got this one right. Isiah Thomas is awful.

8. Stephon Marbury
Why he’s here? Sociopathology.
Does he belong? Absolutely not. Oh sure he’s been a locker room cancer on each of the last four teams he’s played before arriving in Boston, but few noticed until he got to New York and became Isiah Thomas’ cancer. But seeing as how Thomas is more disliked than Starbury, isn’t this a clear-cut case of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend?” Friends don’t put friends on disliked lists. Think of it this way: Stephon Marbury builds the character of every NBA player with whom he comes in contact. Good for the game.
Possible replacement Brock Lesnar. And since very often “bad” is good for the game, who better to illustrate this than the UFC’s Brock Lesnar? Look, you don’t get more white than Brock. He’s a 6-foot-3, 265-pound farm boy who lives and trains in the Minnesota woods, has a drooling problem, drinks Coors and signifies that “he’s No. 1″ with the wrong fingers. He’s thoroughly unlikeable, yet UFC has never been more popular. It’s far more fun to hate than to love.

9. Nick Saban
Why he’s here? Bullying. Lying. Willfully living in Alabama.
Does he belong? Nah. For $32 million, I’d probably live in Alabama too. But I wouldn’t talk to anybody.
Possible replacement Brett Favre (again). Yes, but what better way to emphasize how disliked he is than by having him wear out his welcome on this list, just as he’s worn out his welcome in the NFL. Remember in “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out” when you beat Bald Bull and then later in the game a meaner, tougher Bald Bull returned? Such is Favre. Just when his awfulness seems to subside, another offseason arrives and it takes three star punches to get him to go away.

10. John McEnroe
Why he’s here? Because he was really outspoken three decades ago.
Does he belong? About as much as a polar bear at the Pyramids.
Possible replacement O.J. Simpson. McEnroe was a loudmouth infamous for throwing hissyfits (and rackets) and complaining about almost every call that didn’t go his way. Essentially he was an NBA player. But all of this happened in the past. He’s retired from the pro tour now. So if inactive players are suddenly eligible for this list, why not pick an athlete who, you know, probably murdered two people? Bonus: How great would it be to have two Buffalo Bills in the top 10?

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Vick, Ramirez, Rodriguez, McEnroe photos courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via Getty Images
All other photos courtesy of Flickr

If someone spending six hours a day being tossed in the air and flip-twirling (or perhaps twirl-flipping) called themselves a gymnast-athlete, you’d not likely bat an eyelash (or perhaps flip-twirl an eyelash?) at this label. But what if someone who did these same activities called themselves a cheerleader-athlete? Would that change anything? Would you accept the “athlete” portion of the cheerleader’s claim?

More now than ever, universities are considering cheerleading a competitive sport, if for no other reason than to appease the Title IX federal law insistent upon schools having an equal number of sports for men and woman.

Before we continue, let’s get a few things straight. Indians are called Native Americans American Indians, midgets are called dwarves lilliputians wee folk little people and cheerleaders are called the easiest girls in school synchronized rooting enthusiasts.

“We don’t even use that word (cheerleader) anymore,” said Tori Maynard, a senior on the University of Oregon’s competitive cheer team. “It’s a stereotype. People don’t understand what competitive cheerleading is.”

Got it? Ready? Okay.

Under the outlined criteria of Title XI, activities only become sport as long as coaches are involved, the season is defined and there is a governing organization. Additionally, competition must be the sport’s main objective. This is where the argument over cheerleading gets interesting. Is the main objective of a cheer squad to win its yearly competitions or to distract the athletes playing in other sports by gyrating suggestively while clapping and rhyming?

It really depends on how individual schools phrase the cheer squad’s team guidelines. No one at the collegiate level has petitioned for the NCAA to consider cheerleading a sport.

“Most of the participants are sideline cheerleaders,” said Bill Boggs, who runs the NCAA collegiate national championships. “The thing about cheerleading at the collegiate level is that it is so random as far as what they are considered, who they report to. Some of them are under athletics, some are under activities, some are under club sports, some of them even report to the band.”

And some others just work around the definition of sports instead of aligning themselves to be a part of it. Not us. In addition to the above listed Title XI criteria, the Sidelines Blog has compiled a list of Five Definitive Rules That Define Sports (Or Really Ought To). We’ve submitted these items to the NCAA and expect a response shortly… right after they take care of the BCS system. Commence holding breath…now.

1. People must cheer for or against your performance Although the idea of people cheering for people who are cheering seems decidedly dumb.
2. Winning and losing must be possible The word “possible” only comes into play because of soccer, which can end in a tie. As much as I’d like to discount soccer as a sport, the other six continents (and Mexico) would throw a hissyfit.
3. Athletes or teams must be able to gain and lose their positions Fighters win belts, golfers miss cuts, NASCAR drivers shift points and no matter how sassy the East Compton’s Clovers are, eventually someone’s gonna bring it to them too! (You couldn’t possibly have thought we were getting through this blog without a “Bring It On” reference. Frankly, I’m shocked it took this long).
4. The sport must not serve any purpose other than to entertain Cooking contests, mass skinny dipping for a Guinness record or building houses for charity are examples of contests that offer something to society besides the activity itself. I know, I know: Soccer isn’t entertaining. I agree. But there isn’t any tangible good or service that soccer produces either.
5. The sport reasonably forces its players to risk possible physical injury This is otherwise known as the “Hell No, Chess Ain’t A Sport” rule. Contestants play games without injury. Athletes play sports and get hurt. Check out the figures. Then check out this cheerleader. Now tell me they ain’t athletes.

Now I ask you, are there any of these categories that cheer squads in competitions fail to meet?

The only thing stopping cheerleading from being a sport are the tournament opportunities, not the activity itself. If we can get the WNBA a summer schedule filled with games, surely something can be done about cheering.

More on the collegiate Title XI issue from the AP via Yahoo!.

Oh hell no! I know this picture isn’t of Kyle Busch smashing a prize Les Paul customized guitar, is it? It is? This jackass is really smashing it? Why? Who told him he could do that?

Oh, that’s right. No one, ’cause don’t nobody tell Kyle Busch nothin’. Both Busch’s disregard for the NASCAR public at-large as well as his guitar smashing shenanigans have been documented enough that I won’t rehash them here (I suppose I will a little). Feel free to read here or here if you want the full scoop.

Busch-league is messing with an iconic rock tradition and using an iconic rock instrument to do it. His aggression will not stand.

Within seconds of being handed a customized guitar (a trophy handed to each of the winners on this Nashville track), Busch-league began banging the beautiful instrument on the ground like it was filled with candy. Why? Because the Nashville Superspeedway had given him trouble in the past (0-for-7 before Sunday) and he promised his crew that if he won, he’d bust the hell out of that guitar and give a piece to everyone.

Did his crew members even want a splintered sliver of guitar? I wouldn’t. But let’s say they did, and let’s give Busch the benefit of the doubt that this really is the arrangement he had with his crew, did it have to go down like that? What about requesting a prop guitar to use as a symbolic gesture so as not to offend the kind folks over at Gibson and the Nashville Superspeedway? And if symbolism just isn’t in the pit crew’s forté (shocker), did the guitar have to be smashed immediately like the talisman’s key from “Tomb Raider?”

Yes, that was a “Tomb Raider” reference. Do you see how upsetting this whole thing is? I’m referencing crappy action movies. I hope you’re happy Kyle Busch.

Busch said he didn’t mean to be disrespectful toward all the people his action ended up being disrespectful to. Adding that he was just acting on sincere emotion. Don’t believe it. He’s ripping off rock ‘n’ roll clichés that mean even less to Busch than the others musicians who’ve been ripping off that move for 45 years.

When The Who’s Pete Townshend smashed his Rickenbacker in 1964 for the first time, THAT was just an accident that turned into an act:

“I just started getting into feedback and expressed myself physically. One day, I was banging my guitar around making noises and I banged it on this ceiling in this club and the neck broke off, because Rickenbackers are made out of cardboard. And everybody started to laugh and they went, ‘Hah, that’ll teach you to be flash.’ So I [had] to make it look like I had meant to do it. So I smashed this guitar and jumped all over the bits and then picked up the 12-string and carried on as though nothing had happened. And the next day the place was packed.” (April 1980 Issue of Sound International)

Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via AP

And Townshend was the first to do it. And it was cool. And it was iconic. But it was for show. So when everyone else from KISS to Nirvana began doing it in the name of frustration and rebellion, well none of ‘em realized how stupid it all was. All those other musicians are the equivalent of the guy who thinks he has ”wisdom” or “honor” tattooed in Chinese on his bicep, when he actually has “pettycoat” or “carrot stick.”

Kyle Busch might as well have “carrot stick” tattooed on his arm.

He’s faced frustration before. What did he smash then? And more importantly, if Busch’s actions really were just a sincere outpouring of unbridled emotion, how was he able to make a deal with his crew months or years beforehand?

Busch is as concerned about the people that allow him to make his living as he was for that beautiful piece of steel craftsmanship lying splintered in the winner’s circle.

Rachel Alexandra isn’t the best filly, she’s the best racehorse. And perhaps, she’s the most important step in gender equality since…well, since ever. This horse is special for more than her performance at Pimlico. She’s proof that, at least sometimes, competition doesn’t always break down gender lines.

NASCAR and golf are two sports that have flirted with breaking the gender barrier the most, though none of the females have ever achieved as much as their hype suggests (see: Wie, Michelle), but those sports are far closer to it than say, boxing.

But what about fighting? The idea of pitting a woman against a man immediately seems offensive and cruel. Men are never supposed to hit women. They’re the fairer sex, delicate flowers. And for any self-respecting man, winning a test of strength and endurance is expected and if didn’t happen, it was the man’s shame, not the woman’s triumph.

But what if there were ways to change that? Currently, the mixed martial arts world has two bankable names without contracts. They’re so good that their only competition is each other.  This is bankable once or twice, but not every month.

Both Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos and Gina Carano have established themselves as the Rachel Alexandra’s of their sport, but whereas Rachel has the ability to test her skills against the best, the same would be unthinkable in MMA.

There’s nothing that can be done about our social queasiness about watching a woman get hit by a man. Most of us are programmed to feel any such fight is unfair and barbaric. But what if we started quantifying mixed-gender fights differently than regular fights? Regular fights categorize fighters by their weight, not their power or agility.

Clearly a 210-pound heavyweight would never fight a 135-pound woman. Even a 135-pound man carries an advantage over a 135-pound woman, because the pounds are packed differently between the two body types. Force isn’t simply a matter of muscle, but of how those muscles are used.

So what if the sport looked at how much power each fighter exerts? Look at all the tests Ivan Drago went through. You don’t think some of those tests could be adapted to figure out how many pounds of force Carano’s muay-tai kicks accumulates? UPDATE: Not only is it possible, it’s happened (sorta). We can deduce that Carano vs. Drago would not be a fair fight. Carano can strike with anywhere between 450-800 lbs. of force. Drago seems to be able to punch in the neighborhood of 1,850 lbs…if he were real.

Isn’t it possible to have genuine stars-in-waiting like Santos and Carano fight better competition without turning it into a circus? If Santos can kick with the force of 350 lbs. and punch with the force of 170 lbs., isn’t it possible to match her up with a man exhibiting the same numbers? Yeah, yeah. Mixed martial arts is not just kicks and jabs, but arm-bars and ground ‘n’ pound and sleeper locks and so-on, but isn’t that all quantifiable? And if it is, can’t these organizations use those quantifications to showcase their talent?

Scrapping bottoms of various barrels ain’t working so far and without the ability to parade their commodities in front of fans (I didn’t mean that the way it might have sounded), they have only a faint gasp of hope for other female fighters to develop into real challengers.

Right now a filly is the fastest race horse in the world and it only happened because she was given a chance she was close to not having. Is it unthinkable to give these same chances to human females?