With the start of the 2011 baseball season just a matter of hours away, it behooved me turn your attention to a couple things: 1) the Wall Street Journal wrote one heckuva feature on Arizona’s bullpen catcher and “human garbage can” Jeff Motuzas, 2) The D.C. Sports Blog followed up with a brief but killer spotlight on Motuzas’ clubhouse partnership with the Nationals’ Opening Day starter Livan Hernandez, and c) there is no “c.” The first two were numbers, remember?

The long and short of it is that these two ballplayers in the mold of “It’s Always sunny In Philadelphia’s” Mac and Dennis have a hot imagination and the fire to fill it.

Over the course of the 162 games Hernandez and Motuzas occupied the same clubhouse between the 2006 and 2007 seasons, Hernandez abused Motuzas in about as many ways as a dude ca abuse the other dude without being in love with the dude even just a little.

To wit:

• Hernandez once paid Motuzas $3,000 to drink a gallon of milk in 12 minutes (impossible without yakking at least 1/3 of it up)
• The two also agreed that Hernandez could punch Motuzas in the groin for $50 a pop whenever he needed to … you know … punch someone in the junk.*
• Motuzas would allow Hernandez to blindfold him (bad idea #1), and whip him with a pair of rubber nunchucks he received from a fan (weird bad idea #2) on more than one occasion (bad idea #3).

That last one was also for money. At least Motuzas wasn’t allowing all this to happen for free. I mean, Hernandez was making $7 million in ’07, while Motuzas was making high five-figures, low six-figures. Brothers gotta eat, right?

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* Motuzas would receive a $300 bonus after every 10th punch. I originally scoffed at the idea of earning $800 for 10 crotch punches, but it’s unclear how much protection Motuzas was allowed to have. For all we know he could wear three cups, stuff a pillow down there and wrap his schwantz in a tube sock. We don’t know. At any rate, I think it would be a special kind of challenge to earn the $50 and not commit myself to a life without the ability to bear children.

Another such ump flub happened Wednesday night in Game 1 of the ALDS, but you won’t hear about it because it involved the Yankees.

With two outs in the bottom of the ninth, Minnesota’s Delmon Young dug in against Yankees closer Mariano Rivera. Mo hurled the 0-2 pitch, Young swung and blooped it into short right field. The Yankees had just inserted defensive specialist Greg Golson into right for the final inning. Golson charged in toward the short fly, bent low and caught the ball. The umps ruled that he trapped it.

He didn’t. Every replay from every angle shows that Golson caught the ball. Neverthewho, Young stood on first and Jim Thome was allowed to take his swings representing the Twins’ tying run. Thome swung at the first pitch, popped it up to Alex Rodriguez at third and the game was over.  Yankees win, no harm done. Let’s all go back to talking about how stupendous Roy Halladay is (because make no mistake, Roy Halladay IS stupendous).

Only one of last postseason’s officiating blunders resulted directly in a win for the other team, yet much was made of the possibility of such outcomes being altered. Yet nothing has been made of Golson’s non-catch call. Half of it is because the only effect on the game’s result was that it lasted five minutes longer than it should have. Why make a big deal out of nothing? Well, because it was one Thome connection away from not being about nothing. Golson caught that ball. And despite every Yankee in the infield alerting the umps that there were no grass scuffs on the ball, and despite the entire ump crew huddling together for 30 seconds to discuss … what? How to effectively appear as if they’re considering changing a call in the Yankees favor in front of 50,000 Twins fans? Besides botching the call in the first place (it happens), the crew made the right decision. You can’t switch that call in that situation. But what about in future situations? The Yankees were supposed to win Game 1 and they did, so who cares? Well, no one. No one outside of the Bronx is going to come to the defense of the Yankees. No matter what Teixeria and Rodriguez say, they’re not underdogs. They’re never underdogs. They won’t ever “deserve” any help. But if that situation were reversed, and the Yankees got a second chance to tie up the game in the bottom of the ninth, the world would be aflame in a chorus of bloggers demanding a furtherance in the use of instant replay.

Thome didn’t pop that home run, but he could have. Next time this situation arises, it might happen. Wouldn’t it be nice if baseball reviewed any questionable call and not just a specific type of questionable call? It would, just not when it helps the Yankees, I guess.

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Reds 2B Brandon Phillips offered up the following gem- seemingly out of nowhere – right before Monday’s Game 1 against the St. Louis Cardinals.

“I’d play against these guys with one leg. We have to beat these guys. I hate the Cardinals. All they do is bitch and moan about everything, all of them, they’re little bitches, all of ‘em. I really hate the Cardinals. Compared to the Cardinals, I love the Chicago Cubs. Let me make this clear – I hate the Cardinals.”

Didja notice the little dig on the Cubs in there too? It’s actually difficult to respond to Phillips’ outburst without going down the Cardinals roster to determine what makes each of them such a, er, um, whatever it was that Phillips called them. If everyone wearing a Cardinal uniform are complainers, what’s that say about the four guys playing for the Reds that were once wearing Cardinal red?

But I’m a Cubs fan, so I can’t get too upset about the Cardinals getting run through the ringer, but what’s up with the seemingly locker room-wide hatred for the Cubs over in Queen City? Last month, Joey Votto made the blog rounds by refusing to congratulate Chicago’s Marlon Byrd after his game-saving defensive play in the All-Star Game.

“I don’t like the Cubs,” Votto said. “And I’m not going to pat anybody with a Cubs uniform on the back. But because he made that really cool play, it turned out to be a really cool experience. I’m really glad we got the win today.”

Okay. I’ll admit, I have absolutely no evidence that this is the case, but the fact that the Reds are managed by Dusty Baker and Chicago ran him out of town on a rail after the 2006 season seems to make him the lead among suspects fueling such hatred. The Gabriel Byrne, if you will. Players hating specific players makes sense. People are people. But Phillips, who grew up in North Carolina and Votto, who grew up in Ontario probably didn’t grow up hating the Midwestern Cubs, right?

Anyway,  Phillips called everyone associated with the Cardinals – even John Buck and Stan Musial (probably) -  a bunch of bizznitches before Game 1 of these teams’ three-game series on Monday. The quote was published after Game 1 and lo and behold, the two teams found themselves in a mighty big scuffle before Game 2′s first inning was over.

From MLB.com:

In the bottom of the first inning, Phillips was leading off and walked to the plate. Per his customary practice, Phillips tried to offer friendly taps with his bat to the shin guards of Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina and home-plate umpire Mark Wegner. Molina, who wanted no part of such pleasantry, kicked Phillips’ bat away.

Molina then stepped on home plate in front of Phillips and got in his face while yelling. Phillips talked back, and once Molina took off his mask, the benches and bullpens cleared.

“I was ready to start the game, and he touched me,” Molina said. “The comments that he made yesterday, that he’s got no friends over here, why are you touching me then? You are not my friend. So don’t touch me. “

The youngest of the Flying Molina Brothers is right. How could Phillips have walked out there, having said what he said and knowing that everyone on the Cards was aware that he said it and act as if he hadn’t said it?

Still with me?

This is 2010. Very few players have any loyalty to any one team, just as most players don’t have deep hatred for any one team. Really, what beef can Brandon Phillips have with Colby Rasmus? Or Yadier Molina, for that matter? To listen to them yammer on, one has to wonder if guys like Phillips and Votto would turn down huge contracts with teams like Chicago because of some deeply personal vendetta.

Note: the Cardinals overtook the Reds for first place in the NL Central on Wednesday afternoon.

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Photos courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via Canadian Press and the AP

“We’re not really sure how Stephen will fit into our organization,” Miami’s assistant director of player personnel Dickie Montero said on Sunday. “He’s all I keep hearing about over in the MLB and on that basis alone, he seemed to be someone that we are supposed to want on the team.”

The Nationals, who have seen unprecedented growth in popularity in the last two months since Strasburg’s arrival in the league admitted that, while their former star was wonderful for business, he just didn’t fit into the “expected Nationals tradition” adding that the Miami Heat seemed a more appropriate destination for players that “people care about.”

“It’s not unheard of for us to be a popular underdog in April,” Nationals spokesman James Dumpheys said. “But usually by May we’ve reminded all our fans why they hate rooting for us and we go right back to hosting 1,100 hipsters each night who find our team ironic. Strasburg threw our pattern of crippling crappiness out of whack and we had to retool a few things. We think three second-round basketball players in the next few years should bring us back to our tradition of freakish awfulness.”

At the press conference held yesterday, in which Strasburg was introduced alongside the newly acquired “Three Amigos of Miami”: Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and LeBron James, the fireballer looked dumbfounded and more than a little pissed.

“When they said Miami, I thought they meant the Marlins and I was kind of excited. Then I found out they meant the Heat and now I mostly just want to slap somebody.”

Strasburg added,”I mean, the Heat? Really!? Michael Jordan whomped their ass for a decade and they decide to retire his number for it? That’s weak, bro. These bitches just better stay out of my way.”

Strasburg says he’ll spend the remainder of the summer (which has suddenly become his offseason) perfecting his 100 mph bounce passes to LeBron James’ face.

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“It was awful, awful. I can’t tell you how awful it was,” said outfielder Cody Ross.

It makes sense for you to assume Ross was referring to having to play in front of only 450 people for most home games, but in fact you’d be wrong. Actually, Ross was decrying the fact that his home field was too damn noisy.

It’s those vuvuzela horns. They done crossed the ocean. And no one is happy about it.

It’s not enough that soccer taught our basketball players how to flop, and our refs how to foul up super important games, now those jerks our ruining the way we make noise.

Ed Rapuano lookin' scrumptious ... and plugged.

From the Palm Beach Post:

“That was the worst handout or giveaway I’ve ever been a part of in baseball,” said Dan Uggla, who wore earplugs. “This isn’t soccer. I know the World Cup is going on but this is baseball.”

“I couldn’t hear myself talk,” said Rays pitcher James Shields.

The horns might’ve cost the Marlins a chance to win.

They lost 9-8 in 11 innings. But with the game tied at 5 in the bottom of the ninth, Brian Barden drew a lead-off walk. But after he trotted to first base, he was called out for batting out of order.

Maddon argued that his lineup card showed Wes Helms batting in that spot. Marlins manager Fredi Gonzalez insisted he told the umpires that Barden was hitting there.

Look folks, not to get all “get off my lawn, you crazy kids” here, but this noisemaking for the sake of being loud has got to stop. Clap, scream, go crazy when the situation deems such behavior appropriate. But I gurantee such behavior was not deemed appropriate at an interleague game involving the Marlins in Florida. Just … no.

Umpire crew chief Tom Hallion, however, said noise from the vuvuzelas might’ve caused the confusion between Gonzalez and the umpires.

“It was the most uncomfortable baseball game I’ve been a part of in a long time because of that. Whether that had anything to do with [the lineup card confusion], I don’t know … When’s the last time you heard something like that at a baseball game? Never. You don’t see this kind of stuff at baseball games.”

Honestly, horn blowers, ease off. The umps have enough problems doing, well, anything correctly. Don’t give ‘em yet another way to skew the game’s outcome unfairly.

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Photos courtesy of Flickr

Arizona passed an immigration-enforcement law last week making it justifiable for police to stop and demand documentation from anyone they suspect of being an alien “if reasonable suspicion exists” that they are in the state illegally. Already Senate Bill 1070 is considered in many parts of the country a wholly bigoted enactment, of which many throughout the nation have taken to protesting. The rationality behind some of the protests, however, remains suspect.

On Thursday, the Arizona Diamondbacks were in Chicago to play the Cubs. Not coincidentally, a pack of protesters picketing against Bill 1070 were stationed outside Wrigley Field.

… Because Justin Upton helped convince the senate to pass the bill? No? Well, then why the protesters in front of the Friendly Confines?

“The team is an ambassador for Arizona,” Tony Herrera, representative of ‘Boycott Arizona 2010’ said. “And the owner, Mr. (Ken) Kendrick, is a big supporter of Republican politics. This new law was a Republican bill. Until the law is changed, there should be protests.”

There should be protests. Next up should be the one where no one watches the movie “Psycho,” because it was shot in Phoenix and stars Arizona native Anthony Perkins. After that, the nation should turn its back on Jimmy Eat World and the Gin Blossoms, bands both born in the A-Z. What’s that? The nation has already stopped paying attention to them? Well … good.

As far as I can tell Jamie O’Neal’s “There Is No Arizona” is still perfectly acceptable to listen to.

Boycotting anything simply because it is connected to an entire state is a ludicrously misdirected attempt at forcing a repeal. (SIDE NOTE: Can we not agree that if the citizens were to start boycotting everything produced by a state simply because of what goes on in it, hat we’d start with Indiana?) The reasons, in this case, for the protest are also as misdirected in its facts as it is in its philosophy. According to the D-backs’ vice president of communications, Shaun Rachau, Kendrick has publicly opposed Senate Bill 1070 and is one of nearly 75 owners anyway, many of whom have not contributed a penny to the Republican Party.

“The D-backs have never supported (Senate) Bill 1070,” Rachau said, “nor has the team ever taken a political stance or position on any legislation.”

The undertones of bigotry and support of racial profiling enacted in this bill have forced Arizona and many of its public representatives, like the Diamondbacks, into a situation of which they were unprepared and certainly undeserving. Yet that hasn’t stopped citizens like Herrera from demanding satisfaction from such public organizations.

“The fact that Kendrick has supported the Republican agenda is significant to us,” he said. “We’re getting a lot of response from across the country. We’re asking for a meeting (with the team) on May 7 with people who are flying in from across the country. We want to talk to the team, but, you know, they do represent Arizona.”

What are these people jet-setting from around the country planning on asking the team, exactly? I’d love to meet Dan Haren, but not to discuss an immigration law of which he wasn’t a part. This kind of thinking is baffling. Yes, the Diamondbacks are a well-known Arizona-based organization. Yes, part of the team’s ownership has contributed to the Republican party (it’s a moderate red state, don’t forget), but leave ‘em alone. The reality of the situation is that none of the team’s players or staff have any more to do with this situation than private citizens. Yes, I’m sure Juan Guitierrez and Gerardo Parro have opinions on the matter, but what else can they give you? And why is picketing outside Wrigley or Citi or Coors Fields going to stop profiling in the American Southwest?

Americans are finally compelled to action and this is how they express themselves? By boycotting a team on a national level because it falls within the state’s 114,000 square mile territory?

Rep. Jose Serrano (D-NY) has the right idea. Don’t punish things connected to the state, remove things connected to the state. He’s already delivered a letter to MLB Commissioner Bud Selig requesting he move the 2011 All-Star Game out of Phoenix.

“MLB has a very loud megaphone,” Serrano said in a statement earlier this week, “and their rejection of Arizona’s action would be an important demonstration to Arizona that we do not tolerate such displays of intolerance in our nation.”

In a similar vein, the World Boxing Council said it will not schedule future bouts featuring Mexican fighters in Arizona. The organization has already gone so far as to have the ban approved by the Federation of Boxing Commissions of Mexico. It will be enacted May 1.

Taking action is a wonderful option empowered to the American public, but there are effective ways to do it and illogically inept ways to do it. Write your local government. Heck, write Arizona’s government. Initiate your time in any of the hundreds of civil rights groups protesting 1070. But c’mon Goofuses, let the players play.

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Top photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via the AP

Cincinnati’s Scott Rolen? Florida’s Cameron Maybin? Pull up a chair …

Each time Maybin takes his turn at bat, Disney pop sensation Miley Cyrus blares from the million dollar Sun Life Stadium PA. Instead of Wu-Tang or Zeppelin or Ratt, the 40 or so Marlins fans that actually attend games are treated to “Party in the USA” a song so sugary, the food vendors spin it into cotton and sell it for $5 a bag.

Then there’s veteran 3B Scott Rolen who is introduced to what I’m pretty sure is Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” but might, I suppose, be Joe Satriani’s “If I Could Fly.” Frankly, I’m not sure which is worse for Rolen.

This isn’t about Coldplay not being manly (they aren’t) or Cyrus not being pump-up music (it better not be for anyone older than 14), it’s about setting yourself up to fail. If Albert Pujols wants to wiggle up to the batter’s box playing Taylor Swift, he can do that because he’s always three pitches away from hitting a home run (always!), but Scott Rolen can’t “viva la vida” when he grounds weakly to the shortstop. That’s not vida, that’s muerte.

“People will think it’s funny,’’ Florida catcher John Baker said.

That’s true. But O’Neill was a 5-time all-star and no one ever thought his at-bats were funny. They thought, “dang, this guy’s gonna rock the ball as hard as Bruce is rockin’ this P.A. system.”

Trust me, they thought that.

Minor leaguer Pat Venditte put on his big boy pants and his freaky moon-man glove and took the bump in his first appearance with a major league franchise.

Behold! Venditte's six-fingered switch glove. It's the way of the future.

The reason this is a story – besides him pitching for the Yankees, where friggin’ everything is a story – is because Venditte is an ambidextrous pitcher. Dude can throw with either arm.

He came on in relief for CC Sabathia against the Braves in one of the team’s final Spring Training games before Sunday’s Season Opener and didn’t fare so well. He lasted 1.1 innings, gave up a run, two hits and a walk.

Venditte earned 22 saves last season for Class-A Charleston and Tampa, which was good enough for Yankee skipper Joe Girardi to request the kid make his March appearance in Florida.

Frankly, I hope he chokes. Not because its easy to experience schadenfreude against the Bombers and not because Venditte somehow emasculated me among or near a group of attractive women (he hasn’t … yet), but because I wanted to be the proud papa of the league’s first successful “switcher.”

If Venditte maintains a consistent presence in the league, things could get interesting. How long can a guy stay in a game if he’s using both arms? If a normal middle reliever pitchers one or two innings before his arm tires, does this mean Venditte can go two or four?  There’s already a Venditte Rule in place because of the guy:

On July 3, 2008, the Professional Baseball Umpire Corporation issued a new rule to limit the number of times a switch-pitcher and switch-hitter can change sides during one at-bat.

1. The pitcher must visually indicate to the umpire, batter and runner(s) which way he will begin pitching to the batter. Engaging the rubber with the glove on a particular hand is considered a definitive commitment to which arm he will throw with. The batter will then choose which side of the plate he will bat from.
   
2. The pitcher must throw one pitch to the batter before any “switch” by either player is allowed.
   
3. After one pitch is thrown, the pitcher and batter may each change positions one time per at-bat. For example, if the pitcher changes from right-handed to left-handed and the batter then changes batter’s boxes, each player must remain that way for the duration of that at-bat (unless the offensive team substitutes a pinch hitter, and then each player may again “switch” one time).
   
4. Any switch (by either the pitcher or the batter) must be clearly indicated to the umpire. There will be no warm-up pitches during the change of arms.
   
5. If an injury occurs the pitcher may change arms but not use that arm again during the remainder of the game.

At some point a switcher hitter and pitcher are going to meet up and make nine minutes of adjustments before two pitchers are made. It will be awesome the first time and then ridiculous each time after that.

*sigh*

Ain’t nothing to be done about raising the league’s first Armbidextrous player – that dream died after Montreal’s Greg Harris threw one inning of switcheroo ball in 1995 to become the first switcher in league history of the 20th Century. But if Venditte maintains his 6.77 ERA, my kid’s still got a shot at being the first successful one.

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Photos courtesy of Flickr Images

The XproTeX comes in three levels of protection. Pictured: The mid-level $50 Hammr.

Former Astro Craig Biggio was born two decades too early. The league’s all-time leader in Hit-By-Pitches never had the new XProTeX Armor of God gloves – which is a good thing for pitchers throughout the ’80s and ’90s. Had Biggio been equipped with this class of shielding, Lord knows how many more times he’d have have leaned into the batters box and taken one of the team.

The league has already given its overly protected thumbs up to the new batting glove that looks like a child’s macaroni art project. This shouldn’t be a surprise. Major League Baseball is making concerted efforts to shore up some of the everyday dangers that arise in the sport. The league has spent nearly four years deploying a popular solution on the light-but-easily-splintered maple bat situation. Last year it monkeyed with an oversized helmet made by Rawlings. This season, maple bats are banned and the Rawlings s100 helmet is mandatory in the minor leagues – a possible big league proving ground for such safety developments.

Ironically, the maker of the new über-gloves, XProTeX, was formed by X Bats president Jack Kasarjian, whose company is known for supplying some of the aforementioned maple bats to major leaguers. This time Kasarjian is on right side of the safety movement. The glove’s specially architectured padding, called Advanced Impact Composite (A.I.C. Aic? Ache? Oh, I get it.), reportedly greatly decreases the impact of a pitcher intent on beaning a batter in the knuckles. So, sorry headhunting hurlers – aim for the knee.

XProTex's top-of-the line Raykr retails for $80. The Hammr doesn't have AIC protection on the pinkie finger and the $30 Dinger doesn't have AIC anywhere but the wrist.

“Essentially it will reduce the impact by over 60 percent, so a 100 mph fastball will be reduced to that of a 39 mph fastball, which is the difference between being in a cast and being a little bit sore,” Kasarjian said.

“Guys don’t want to be the first one to try it,” Tampa Bay manager Joe Maddon said. “Somebody’s going to try it and going to get hit and they’re not going to break their hand or wrist, and all of a sudden everybody’s going to want it. Or conversely, if somebody’s not wearing it, and they do get hit and get broken, he’s going to want it.”

Absolutely Joe. Players won’t care that the barnacle gloves look like they were scrapped off the hull of a clipper ship – it’s all about safety.

Just ask David Wright how quickly those Rawlings S100 helmets took the league by storm after everyone on the East Coast caught their breath from laughing at him.

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Photos courtesy of Flickr

In 1995, when Chicago’s Frank Thomas was at the height of his powers as a premiere slugger, I stayed late after the game in hopes of catching him (or anyone on the White Sox roster, really) as they shuffled into their sports cars and sport utility vehicles. I didn’t have a watch, but it felt like the few dozens waiting outside the personnel parking lot were there for an hour. Finally, a few began trickling out. They’d sign a few autographs or, at the very least, wave to the group that had been waiting.

Eventually, the Big Hurt lumbered out to his Porsche (or Ferrari or Lamborghini. I can’t be sure. I’m not a car guy. It looked fast and expensive). He didn’t immediately acknowledge the crowd, instead he took out a few supplies from his trunk in order to wax his fast, expensive car. And there he stood, waxing his car, while a few dozen fans called out to him. An autograph, a point, a wave. A smile. Something.

Everyone waited. Certainly he’d come over after he finished with his car maintenance, right? Again, no watch, but it took him 20 minutes if it took him a second. And when he was done, he returned the products to his trunk and without ever looking at anyone who had waited for the best hitter on the planet at that time to say hello, he got into his car and drove off.

If I’d had eggs on me, I’d have unloaded every last one on that man’s car.

In the hour or so I stood there, Frank Thomas went from one of the most likable players in the league to one I’d never ever forgive.

But that’s not a hockey story and the headline of this post promised the greatest hockey story of all-time.

In an interview on NHL commissioner Gary Bettmen’s satellite radio show last week, newly retired, 8-time all-star Brendan Shanahan told a story about growing up a Toronto Maple Leafs fan in the early 80s and getting a chance to meet the team’s captain at the time Rick Vaive.

Shanahan recounted the story again for nj.com:

“When I was 14 years old I was skating in the summertime at a rink in Toronto. Rick Vaive happened to be skating at an adjoining rink and we were actually in dressing rooms that were right next to each other. I went in when he was sort of settled and asked him for an autograph. I didn’t get the best response from [him] at that time.”

Sadly, Shanahan doesn’t elaborate on what not getting the best response from Rick Vaive meant, but it’s causing me to have immediate traumatic flashbacks to shammies and containers of Turtlewax.

In ’83, Shanahan was 14 years old. By 1987, he was an 18-year-old rookie playing with the New Jersey Devils. And it would be the next time he’d run into his former icon.

“It was a quiet, uneventful game. He couldn’t believe the rage I had, not only in attacking him, but it took two (linesmen) to restrain me afterwards and throw me in the penalty box. He said to one of my teammates at the time, Jim Korn, ‘By the way, what’s wrong with that kid and why was he coming after me?’ Jim Korn said, ‘Apparently he asked you for an autograph when he was a little kid and you weren’t that friendly to him.’ ”

I’m not sure where to start with the awesomeness of this story. Perhaps Vaive had a good reason for not giving Shanahan the best impression. Honestly, I have no reason to think Vaive is jerk in everyday life. But it’s easy for me to believe he was a jerk to Shanahan in that one instance 26 years ago. And for that, and for any fan who has ever asked a celebrity for something small like an autograph only to be rejected, this story is as heartwarming as a glass of eggnog.

It’s also kinda great because Shanahan clearly ended up being the better player of the two, enough so that it allowed the capper on this story to happen.

“Three years ago, [Vaive] came up to me at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto and introduced me to his 14-year-old son. I signed the autograph, took a picture and gave him a piggy-back. I didn’t want karma to come back and get me.”

Good for Shanahan, but if Frank Thomas ever asks me for anything, I fully intend to ignore him while buffing out the scratches on my Hyundai.

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Photos courtesy of Flickr