The long and short of it is that there are some people in a position of power in Miami that don’t like the idea of accepting donations from a group of people only getting rid of their items because they are no longer wanted. Unlike places like the Salvation Army and Goodwill that are choke full of items people wanted to keep forever and ever. And ever. Presumably these people in a position of power aren’t the homeless. I was under the impression Mike Bibby was the only basketball jersey they collectively agreed to boycott. No one is willing to publicly admit to disliking the idea of a bunch of hobos sporting wearing the old LeBron on their backs, but such people must be out there.

“It seemed very well-intentioned, but it’s not gonna happen right away,” Rita Clark of the Miami Coalition for the Homeless said. “I’m trying to help them be better-received here in Miami.”

Presumably, this poor reception stems from certain people uncomfortable accepting donations made from a place of aggression, but this hits pretty far off the target, doesn’t it?

___________________

I’ll never forget the time I wore a Bruce Springsteen shirt to my retail job at a local bookstore. Usually, I just wore polo shirts or something, but this time, I was feeling particularly raucous (and roll-ish). Indie bookstores are a great place to meet people, freely exchange ideas, compare Hemingway tattoos and Buddy Holly glasses, so when a hipster asked me if I like Springsteen, I ignored my initial impulse to question why someone would wear a t-shirt of something they did not personally endorse and answered simply, “why yes indeed, friend.” Remember: this was a hipster, and I recall him wearing a Q-Bert t-shirt. It’s not completely out of the realm of possibility that in his world, people wear things without even knowing wat the hell they are. Anyway, I tell him that I really like Springsteen. Like a lot. His response, “Yeah. I never got into him. He’s kind of annoying.”

… And that, your honor, is when I killed him.

This exchange happened years ago, yet I’ve never let it go. Why would he ask about my shirt just so he can tell me he doesn’t like what’s on it? That’s like paying admission just to boo the performer. Or, like performing in a city, just so you can boo its most famous inhabitant.

Enter Sir John Mayer. He of the douche-y song lyrics, womanizing antics and illogical sleeve tattoos. He played a concert in Ohio last week, and performed his encore in a Cleveland Cavaliers jersey. I’ll skip over the part where I berate Cuyahoga Falls for demanding an encore from Mayer and get to the part where he promises the Ohio crowd that on his tour closer in Miami, he’ll perform wearing the very same jersey.

Out of solidarity to the good folks of Cuyahoga Falls, you see? Because LeBron James left Ohio to play basketball in Florida, you see? Mayer wanted to get in on that action. For the sake of Ohioans.”Because sometimes you gotta stir [expletive] up,” says Mayer.

I was wondering when someone was gonna mention LeBron’s exit to a group of Ohioans.

And this is what I pondered all weekend. Sweet Jesus, why? Why bother? Why poke this bear? No one from Ohio is going to be in Miami, bro. There’s only so many times a person can hear “Heartbreak Warfare” without wanting to break out into real warfare. And he’s going to get a reaction in Miami, because my understanding of Floridians is that they’re either 90 years old or 26 and blitzed on ecstasy. Either way, a Cavaliers jersey is gonna make ‘em go schizoid. But this isn’t his fight. He grew up in Connecticut, man. What the eff?

I guess that’s why it bothers me so much, Mayer insinuated himself into a fight that doesn’t really exist, that he certainly isn’t a part of for a payoff that won’t, um, pay off. Unforgivable. Like that time you made Jessica Simpson think it was okay to be a brunette. You’re a bad man, John Mayer and I hope those 26-year-olds all lick your face.

I can’t tell you how much I hate that his jersey is No.83. No one on the Cavs ever wore No. 83. No one in NBA history ever wore No. 83. He wasn’t born in 1983 or wear a size 83 shoe. It’s as dumbfounding as someone who can absolutely shred on guitar insisting upon playing “Wonderland” a thousand times a year to make his money.

Video of Mayer’s promise here.

___________________

Ever since the epic exodus of Zydrunas Ilgauskas from the Cavaliers, it’s been almost entirely forgotten that Cleveland still has a few players remaining on its roster. And because Big Z is no longer on the team averaging tons of points and tons of minutes, the good news for fantasy owners is that the leftovers are all likely to produce more. We might never have had a Steve Young if Joe Montana hadn’t missed the entire ’91 season. We might never have had Harrison Ford if Kurt Russell had been cast as Han Solo. And we might never get to see J.J. Hickson‘s 15/7 season if Ilgauskas hadn’t singularly broken the hearts of Ohioans (Ohioates? Ohiomans? Ohiomies?) by moving to Miami. What a bastard. Seriously, have you talked to a Cavs fan lately? They’re so mishugenuh about losing Z that everytime I’ve mentioned to one of them how hard it must be root for a Ilgauskas-less Cavs team, they look at me as if I’m both stupid and missing some larger picture that I’m sure I’m not missing.

Double-J improved steadily, if not loudly, in his sophomore season, starting 73 of the 81 games he played. And while he only played 21 minutes and fought for his touches while on the floor (earning only an 18.9 USG% last season), he was a defensive force and an offensive weapon when given the chance. A guy who can navigate through Shaquille O’Neal, Z, Anderson Varejao and the addition of Antawn Jamison 2/3 of the way through the season while generally improving is a guy set to break out with far fewer obstacles in his way the following season. New coach Byron Scott has already hinted at bringing Jamison off the bench and Juicy-Juice’s 24/7 summer league averages aren’t doing anything to make him re-think this stance. Even if Jamison does start and Hickson is the first off the bench, he’ll own that Sixth Man role and he’ll have center eligibility to go with it. Watch him make Cleveland forget all about … Zydrunas Ilgauskas. 30.3 min / .624 / .691 / 0.0 3pt / 14.6 pts / 7.2 rbd / 1.3 ast / 0.8 stl / 0.8 blk / 1.5 tov

By Sunday, most MMA outlets were awash in outrage over Silva’s behavior, none moreso than UFC president Dana White, who called the main event a “disgrace,” “an embarrassment” adding too that he was “disgusted.”

But let’s pull back the gossamer curtain of immediacy and examine why many feel this way. And because I’ve never been good with keeping secrets, I should warn you that I’m planning on defending Silva in these next 1,000 words.

The 26-4 Brazilian has had a recent history of not giving the fans the type of fight that they paid for – namely, one that quickly moves to the ground and stays there. Instead, Silva’s style is to dominate from his feet – which is what happened for the most part Saturday. Silva showboated (to put it kindly) and taunted (to put it less kindly) his opponent Demian Maia early in the battle. Hands on his hips, standing without using much defense; take a look at the photo up top. It looked exactly like that, only without the threat of Riverdance breaking out. Kid stuff. Disrespectful stuff. Stuff that, frankly, made the fight boring.

And this has been the case for Silva’s last few bouts. He’s that good. He’ll tease ya. Then he’ll bleed ya. And then he’ll calmly leave the ring amid a bluster of witnesses furious that he didn’t sweat more, try harder, move quicker.

That’s “the reason” for the animosity toward Silva, but is it The Reason? No. The reason to be upset is that no one recently has forced Silva to sweat more, try harder, move quicker. Watching Silva fight in the last 24 months is like watching a Corvette idle down a driveway. Don’t blame the Corvette, blame the driver, or the neighborhood, or the laws that dictate a Corvette can’t drive 90 mph in a school zone. In short: give Silva someone to fight.

Would anyone have suddenly felt they got their money’s worth out of a 90 second fight in which Silva kicked Maia in the throat three times and called it a day? Not only would you not have gotten your money’s worth, but you wouldn’t have had anything to talk about on Monday.

In a sport still in the spring of its development, the fans remain the dictators of what “good MMA” is. Silva really is one of the three best pound-for-pound fighters in the entire sport, but he’s boring. And he’s cocky about his boringness. And he refuses to acknowledge his cockiness and / or his boringness.

But White didn’t fail to acknowledge it:

“Believe me, I’ll answer the questions of what a disgrace the main event was,” said White at the post-fight presser. “To end it the way that we did was an embarrassment for me, the UFC, the Fertittas and the UAE. If you’re that talented, be Mike Tyson. Go in there and finish. I’m so blown away and disgusted and saddened.”

…He forgot to mention greedy. Because this is where White’s anger stems from – future revenue. See, the Cleveland Cavaliers don’t have to worry about sitting LeBron James for three consecutive games, as they have this past week, because those tickets are already sold. And as long as people believe they’ll get to see James when they purchase the tickets, that’s all any of the money men care about. It’s why the D.C. Nationals waited until after the pre-season ticket sale to announce that No. 1 draft pick Stephen Strasbug would start the season in the minor leagues.

MMA doesn’t work that way. You’re only as good as your last fight and because fans equate “fast movement” to “excitement,” Silva is a dud as a fighter. At least UFC heavyweight Brock Lesnar, who painted himself with the same devil-may-care brush as Silva, has the decency to rely heavily on the ground game. He’s a real a knee-to-your-neck kinda fella. He’s the villain everyone wants to see. Silva? Skip ‘im.

I get it. I get why fans want the ground ‘n’ pound game. I get why promoters pop blood vessels at guys like Silva who stand around and pick their spots to strike. Promoting a strategic fighter is like promoting … well, like promoting a pitcher’s duel in baseball. Good luck.

But step back for a moment. Why blame Silva? This is his style. He’s a man who makes a living by winning as many fights as possible. Should Sabathia have grooved one down the middle in the seventh inning after his Yankees had the lead safely in hand on Saturday, just to spice things up a little? No. He’s paid millions of dollars to pitch as close to perfect baseball as he can. What about all the rest LeBron is getting? Shouldn’t he play insignificant games now and risk being injured, if for no other reason than for the sake of the fans who paid to see him? Nope.

And what about this blog article? It’s been nearly 700 words since you last saw a picture or anything visual. Should I just throw in something colorful to break up the monotony of all these words, even if it has nothing to do with Anderson Silva or mixed martial arts?

There. A kangaroo punching a photographer in the face. How was that? You gettin’ your money’s worth now?

Sports are about competition. At least professional sports. The beer league softball games I play in are mostly about the beer. You play to win the game. And in a larger sense, you play to continue winning the games. A tired or hurt LeBron James risks far more damage to the Cavs (and the NBA) down the line than leaving him in street clothes toward the end of the regular season; just as Anderson Silva adopting a ground game or even exerting himself more than is necessary is more harmful to his career (and I believe the UFC) than carrying on as he is.

MMA fans should demand only one thing from the fighters – that their intent it always to ensure victory.

Silva, more than most fighters, has a firm grip on exactly what to do to ensure victory and exactly how to do it. He even said immediately after the fight that he wanted to win, he won legitimately and he’s unconcerned about the rest of it – the way it should be.

“The way I feel,” Silva said, “my mission was completed, I came in and dominated the fight, I did what I had to do, That’s how I feel.”

White may be upset that Silva’s not an exciting fighter, but if he can’t spin this guy into a marketable villain for a future Georges St. Pierre fight than Dana White is not long for his position. And if he’s mad that one of his best fighters is boring, well then, match him with a fighter that doesn’t bore him.

Simple, no?

Until then, quit with the tears and vinegar about the classless Silva. He’s different. He’s interesting because he’s boring (I just blew your mind) and he’s good for the UFC.

Just wait until this sport supplies fans with only one type of fighter, playing the same note over and over, fight after fight.

You’ll drop it faster than Anderson Silva would have dropped Demian Maia if he weren’t so bored.

_________________________

Top photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via Tracy Lee

The Knicks weren’t supposed to be good this season. In the annals of the franchise, this was supposed to be the season that time forgot.

But this? This is worse than they thought.

It’s about time Coach Mike D’Antoni hit the snooze alarm on his sleep-in experiment.

New York is 1-7 and they look every bit the part of a team that’s won only 13 percent of its games. They look directionless and lethargic. Especially lethargic. Mike D’Antoni’s “fun ‘n’ gun (‘n’ brick)” squad is riding a four-game losing streak and hasn’t mustered more than 40 points in the first half of any of their last three games, two of which were at home.

They don’t just look sleepy on offense either.

Before Monday’s loss to Utah, the Knicks spent the weekend embarrassing themselves, first on Friday at Madison Square Garden against the Cavs and the next day in Milwaukee against the Bucks. The Knicks were like sieves in those games, allowing both teams to score 40 points in the first quarter of each of those games.

I’m tellin’ you: sleepy.

If there’s a silver lining with the 2009-10 version of this team (and I’m not sure there is), it’s that through their first four games at home, they’ve yet to be outscored in the second half (238 – 214).

However much stock D’Antoni put into the plan he came up with during the preseason to eschew morning practice during home games this season which gives them an additional 5 1/2 hours away from basketball.

From the Orlando Sentinel:

Instead of going to the Knicks’ practice facility at 10 a.m. on game days, Knicks players will be required to arrive at Madison Square Garden by 3:30 p.m. for a 7:30 tip-off. During those four hours at the arena, players will prepare for that night’s opponent and eat a pregame meal together.

“I hope to get them more energy,” D’Antoni said in the New York Post. “Does an extra two hours sleeping in the morning help or hurt? Our medical people think it might be better doing it that way. It’s a bit of an experiment.”

I’m not saying the Knicks would have won the three games they lost at MSG, but the team looks sluggish coming out of the tunnel. They look dreary and they’ve played like it through the first half of every game at home so far this season.

How many more until the experiment is deemed a bust?

Recently another high school team wiped the floor with their opponent, as the Chaminade-Madonna football squad beat the Pompano Beach team for an 83-0 finish.

These lopsided battles are looking less like victories as the winning team must defend why they were so much better. This sort of controversy was recently visited, less than a year ago, when the Covenant High School in Dallas girls’ basketball team knocked out a 100-0 game. The girls were chastised for the seemingly over-the-top win. They even allowed themselves to be guilted into an apology (it’s a Christian school after all) and then when the coach pointed out the facts, that the girls “played the game the way it was meant to be played”, he was fired. That right there sounds just as extreme as losing a basketball game by a 100-point margin while remaining scoreless. Way to lead by example.

But back to the football game. This was not a ‘gimme’ game. It wasn’t the #1 Class AAA school laying a smackdown on Hick’s Crossings Second Chance High for Wayward Children of Malnourished Immigrants. The teams played the entire second half with a running clock. They pointed out that the scoreless Pompano Beach actually beat them last year. All this was is a game that happened to end up more one-sided than most. It was an honest competition, possibly with some extra luck on one side.

So rather than be upset by the score spread, I think we should be upset at the idea of questioning it, at reprimanding a team for daring to…well, for daring to be so good. Sure, the parents and coaches can get upset and hurl words like “humiliation” and “integrity” around, but what is their solution? And where does the coddling end? Isn’t high school the place where you stop being polite and start being real?

In 1991, the Cleveland Cavaliers took the Miami Heat for a 148-80 ride, a margin of 68 points. In 1944 the Detroit Red Wings dominated the New York Rangers 15-0. (Given that you’re more likely to see a 1-0 NHL games than, say, a 5-0 game, that’s quite the spread as well.) Do you think either of these teams were chastised for the humiliation they brought upon their opponents? It’s more likely the Heat and Rangers were forced to wear pretty pink dresses for their next practice to remind them of what they’d just been made to look like. But had any of the disgraced teammates been part of something like the Pompano Beach Massacre, they might have been sitting around the next day waiting for their apology.

Taking it another step back, just the week before Chaminade-Madonna reminded their opponents what their butts looked like as they handed them to them in little gift-wrapped boxes, the Air Force football team put on another show of similar magnitude. Not this kind of show, one that took place on the ground. The Air Force Falcons, who are not exactly known for being good, whupped Nicholls State Colonels (who are not exactly known) 72-0. The overlying theme here was not how upset Nicholls State was. I dare say Air Force even seemed a tad excited about the whole deal.

So, in honor of Pompano Beach, I have some advice for other athletes around the world. LeBron James, could you maybe not shoot so much? Try just dribbling in circles to use up time every once in awhile. You too, Kobe. In fact, while we’re at it, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Mr. Ovechkin. I want more passing, less shooting. Yes, this includes when you have a wide open shot, because how fair is that? Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal … ? Actually, you two are good. Perfect way to intersperse some disheartening defeat in with the spectacular wins. Uh, keep up the good work guys. And Tiger? Well I’m about to make you play the entire round with a 7-iron if you don’t watch yourself. Think of the children, think of the example you’re setting for high school teams like Pompano Beach that just may be led to believe that it’s okay for someone who’s really, really good to occasionally trounce their competition.

Before All-Star forward Carlos Boozer decided to stay in Utah for the 2009-10 season, there were stories reporting that he may opt out and test the economic waters on any of the other 29 teams. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out, he wasn’t going to find a better deal than the $12.7 milli he’ll make by staying with the Jazz and so it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why he stayed.

But as obvious as the situation seems, maybe the situation took the long way around to get to the familiar destination. See, ’cause Carlos Boozer is getting a divorce. Court papers were filed in March, but have been sitting in waiting ever since the couple decided to try and make it work.

Honestly, it must be working out because under he terms of the divorce, filed in March, someone with Boozer’s self-centered reputation would never stay in Utah if he felt his marriage wasn’t going to work.

What are the terms?

Boozer’s wife will supposedly be entitled to half of Boozer’s current contract with the Jazz. Any contract he makes after the Jazz isn’t covered in the divorce papers. Simply put: With Boozer staying in Utah, his wife CeCe is entitled to $6.35 million of that money. If he signed with Detroit or Oklahoma that might have possibly given him the $13-15 million he was asking for, his ex would not be entitled to any of it.

Even though it was unlikely he would have yielded that much money in this economy, had he signed with some other team for $8 or $9 million, he’d still be making more than if he’d stayed in Utah.

This is all theory and will likely stay theory. But it’s the offseason. What do we have if not theory?

But he chose to stay. And for someone who fled Cleveland for extra dough and who sounded an awful lot like a guy who was ready to leave Utah if the dollars were singing elsewhere, it’s hard to believe that he’s not a guy who goes wherever the most money is.

So if the most money is still in Utah … well, I’m happy for the Boozer clan. All you need is love. Love is all you need … along with $12.7 million.

Thanks to Detroit Bad Boys

Whoops. First chink in the armor, ‘Bron.

It’s old news that LeBron James skulked (Ditched? Eluded? Nah, we’ll stick with skulked) away from the Orlando Magic, his teammates, the media and his duties as a franchise leader after the final game of his 2008-09 season on May 30.

It happened. It’s over. And the first time next season he barrels past some poor sucker unsuccessfully trying to foul him, all will be forgiven, right?

But what if it won’t?

When a child cries on the train, it’s the parent that gets all the dirty looks. ‘Bron-Bron’s exeunt stage left played in the media like a big crying baby on a very crowded train. So for now, all bets are off with the fans. James’ refusal to acknowledge anybody after Cleveland’s loss was a miscalculation. But James is a calculating person (he has to be) and when someone like that makes a mistake, it carries more weight. How much weight? Enough that I’m compelled to  conjure up parallels between LeBron’s hypothetical future and the turning point in the career of professional wrestler Hulk Hogan when he became “Hollywood Hogan.”

James is as much businessman as he is athlete and for six years, the fans have allowed that dichotomy on the grounds that he keep tossin’ that chalk (figuratively speaking. Why? Does he actually toss chalk? Weird.) James the athlete has rarely failed. James the athlete has never failed. On Saturday, both failed. This isn’t difficult. The average fan loathes athletes increasing energy placed toward marketing themselves. Most athletes know that if they’re going to do that, they better bring it on the playing ground. If they don’t, when the athlete fails, fans turn on the businessman first.

In 1996, for reasons both fabricated for wrestling fans and born from Terry Bollea’s personal life, the iconic red and gold hero went to the dark side. Instead of talking to kids about vitamins, prayers and muscle pythons, Hollywood became greedy, selfish and turned on his friends with seemingly no hesitation. In ’96′s Bash at the Beach, Hulk went Hollywood by surprising longtime friend Randy Savage by attacking him. Sound familiar?

LeBron James, who also dons a red and gold uniform, was teammates with Magic center Dwight Howard on the 2008 Gold medal-winning Olympic team. Unlike Denver’s Carmelo Anthony and L.A.’s Kobe Bryant who were also on that team and shared a brief embrace at the end of the Western Conference Finals, James lost Game 6 and failed to acknowledge Howard on his way toward the tunnel.

Hogan ran with the Hollywood persona in part because his Hulk persona was wrapped up in a legal battle with Marvel Comics and its ownership of the Incredible Hulk. Just as Hogan’s identity was ensnared between corporate branding, so too is James’ identity. James may have won over Cleveland fans by throwing talcum high into the air (an act stolen from Boston’s Kevin Garnett, who stole it from Michael Jordan), but it was Nike that branded the act and made it iconic. A funny thing happens to celebrities trying to become the richest man in the world: he becomes indebted to those who made him that way. And therefore James literally cannot afford to be himself, because he’s a 24-year old kid who might do something boneheaded to lose endorsements (see: Phelps, Michael).

Hollywood ran with the bad guy persona. Unforeseeably to Hogan, it left a bitter taste in the mouths of fans who made him an icon. Even after Hogan put the red and gold undies back on, relations with the fans had been irreparably damaged. For some, the thin illusion of goodness Hogan had established in his career was broken.

James’ mistake was hardly the three-year betrayal Hogan created, but because sports are a culmination of snap decisions and irretrievable moments, it wouldn’t be shocking if the fans turn on James in a similar fashion.

It’s too early to say that James tarnished his career by this one act, but if his career veers more toward Hollywood than Hulk, this will be the snub they’ll say started it all.