Mourn in the U.S.A. (Let’s Make the Rest of the World Cup a Quick Series of Sudden Death Matches)
America’s run in the World Cup ended as quickly as it started. The only options now are to either root for some other team or go back to disowning soccer altogether. The second option seems most likely, especially knowing how long it’s going to take the rest of the World Cup to wind down. No one wants to hear how awesome a party became after they left early, right?
Pub Argument: Soccer Goalie Or Hockey Goalie
As anyone who’s drunk and dispassionate about the sport they’re forced to watch knows, the best way to pass the time is to pick a fight.
With that, let’s pick apart which goaltender has the toughest job: the hockey goalie or the soccer goalie. Add to the argument down in the comments, muchachos.
Weightlifter Tries To Squat 1,008 lbs; Projectile Vomits, Passes Out
Far be it from me to laugh at the unfortunate … actually, it’s not that far. It’s right here next to me, making me laugh over and over.
No reason to bore you with details. You know what happens. Still though, you knew what happened in Two Girls-One Cup and you watched that anyway, you sicko.
This Seems Like Something A Texan Would Do
When I was a teen, I was a big enough Cubs fan that I shaved the team logo into the back of my head. I dunno why, but it seemed hardcore at the time. Hardcore enough that no one would ever dare confuse me with a) someone who was indifferent to the Cubs and b) someone whose mother was proud of him.
As disappointed as my mom might have been, it could have been worse. Here’s exhibit A.
Who’s Ready To See This Man Naked?
I won’t bury the lede on this one. Soccer legend and Argentina coach Diego Maradona has publicly promised to run naked through the center of Buenos Aires if his team wins the World Cup.
And if you’ve ever seen attractive Argentians get naked (and who hasn’t?) you should know just how horrifying this promise is.
