Chinese Curler Wang Fengchun Not Having Fun Tonight
I know. I know. Curling was that bridesmaid you wanted to pass the time with for a handful of days. You never intended your relationship to get serious, the moment has passed and you wish they’d stop insinuating themselves back in your life.
I get it. Really. You don’t care about curling anymore. You never really cared about curling. You especially don’t care about Chinese curling.
But maybe you should care for just one more story, because it involves your country.
O.J. Finally Gets One Of His Suits Dismissed
Last week, America’s repository of historical artifacts denied acceptance into its collection the suit that O.J. Simpson, the 18th-ranked all-time career rusher and two-time murderer, wore in court on the day he was acquitted (of the murders, not the rushing yards – I’m not sure how one would be acquitted of that. Then again, I’m still not sure how he got acquitted of killing two people, so let’s call it a draw).
The Day The Canucks Synchronized Their Tinkles
The water utility company in Edmonton, Canada released a water consumption chart on Monday, just eight days after America’s neighbors to the North triumphed in the gold medal game. The chart details the water consumption (or non-consumption) during the game. The big revelation? Nothing that any true sports fan couldn’t already assume:
Don’t Laugh, Jamaica’s Reppin’ In The Iditarod
Let’s cut to the chase: Jamaican bobsledder Newton Marshall will finish the Iditarod. That’s not my opinion, it’s his. We all understand the humor of a Jamaican makin’ a run at a sport reliant upon a climate directly opposed to the humidity and j’orts to which Newton is accustomed.
But you got all that in the headline. What you didn’t get is how Jimmy Buffet and bicycles are involved. And that, dear readers, is far more entertaining.
Yeah, That’s Gonna Be A Lawsuit
So I found that one good contribution to society PETA ad you were talking about.
