More on that in a second, but first I’d like to discuss the fine people over at the Guinness Book of World Records, an institution I’m more and more weary about every time one of these “records” comes up. Whether it be the largest number of Snuggie wearers under one roof, or the farthest distance water skied blindfolded in an hour to the current record of a 10 hour hockey game. It really feels as if they’re reaching at this point. First of all, the game of hockey is a times event. Baseball can be played for a week-and-a-half (and often feels as if it is), golf too. But not hockey. Hockey has extra periods and shoot-outs, but it ends. Records are made to be broken, but not rules and dividing 40 women into two teams and allowing whomever was not on the current four-hour shift to nap isn’t hockey. It’s the same problem I have with dance contests that deem the winner the last person to not stop moving. But simply standing up and shifting weight from one foot to the next isn’t dancing 9it’s restless standing) and skating on ice with a stick in your hand occasionally slapping at a puck just trying not to die isn’t hockey.

… Okay. That is kinda what hockey is, but still, you get my point.

I’m not picking on the fundraising aspect of this endeavor (that’s coming about 70 words from now), I’m just critiquing the mingling of sports records, with exhibition showcases. Is it a world-record boxing match if two guys stand in a ring for three weeks occasionally jabbing at one another every 10 minutes or so? Unless you’re in the heavyweight division, no, that’s not considered boxing. There were 2,500 goals scored in 243 hours, that’s a little over 10 goals every hour. That’s almost quadruple the number of goals the average NHL hockey game sees. Imagine the 270 highest scoring professional hockey games of all time and you’re in the ballpark of what the Canucks witnessed earlier this week.

But it wasn’t about the record, I’m sure. It was about raising awareness and funds for a worthy cause. Feel free to read the full story here. It gives interesting backstory of how the event came about in the first place.

I will say though, that for 243 hours of grueling, bruising, swollen hockey fun, each of the 40 hockey players brought in an average of $3,125 for their effort. Considering each player ate, relaxed or slept for about eight out of every 24 of those hours that’s 162 hours of actual playing done by each woman. That’s about $19.29 per hour, which sounds easy-cheesy during the first four hours and unbearably low in the last … I dunno, 239, I guess.

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After a seven-game series between San Jose and Detroit, which may surprise you to learn after witnessing the intensity these two teams brought to every one of those games, was NOT in fact the Finals, we are down to four contenders: The first-seed Canucks taking on the second-seed Sharks in the West and the third-seed Bruins facing off against the fifth-seed Lightning in the East.

This may sound a little weighted in favor of the West already, but don’t make that decision too hastily. For one thing, these are the Stanley Cup Playoffs where anything can happen. Eighth-seed teams beat the Numero Uno. Fifth-seeds upset the first. Sometimes this even happens to a team other than the Capitals. And also, every team comes into the end like this with their strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes you’re riding high on one and overcoming the other. A fifth-seed team making the Cup Finals isn’t so unheard of (right, Philly?)

The point is, this is still very much anyone’s game and here are some possible reasons why Vancouver, San Jose, Boston or Tampa Bay may stick it out long enough to see their names misspelled on the Stanley Cup this year…assuming we don’t lose it:

Vancouver Canucks:

Why They’ll Win – Well that’s easy enough. President’s Trophy winners, best regular season in the league this year, in fact, if there was no post-season, they would be the champions already! But that’s about as satisfying as an elementary school costume contest where “everyone wins a prize!” so we make ‘em work for it.

Why They’ll Struggle – Not only does being the best all season NOT ensure you’ll come out on top when it counts, but we’ve also seen strong evidence recently of how much more mortal the Canucks are than we thought. Nashville was supposed to be something like a starstruck kid, just made aware that yes, there IS a second round! And still they managed to pull off two wins against the great Canadian Crusaders. The Canucks were one slip-up in OT away from getting knocked out by Chicago in the first round. We’re assuming this hasn’t stopped a lot of people from betting on Vancouver, but there’s clearly some weakness being exposed.

San Jose Sharks:

Why They’ll Win – “If there’s a will, there’s a way” and at this point no one should have more will than San Jose. You’d think their Game 7 win was necessary for them to silence the criticism that denotes the Sharks as perennial chokers. You’d be wrong. A Game 7 win was necessary for them to move on to the Conference Finals. As far as the choker label, they were damned if they do and damned if they don’t in that case. Moving on doesn’t hurt their case. Adding ‘that team that squandered away a 3-0 lead until it came down to a do-or-die Game 7’ does. Nothing short of a handful of Stanley Cup rings will shut those critics up for good. And they know it.

Why They’ll Struggle – No one should be more tired than this team right now. Vancouver’s two overtime and two double-OT games in the first two rounds may slightly edge out San Jose’s five (single) OT games, but also who’s played the last two games? That’s right, it’s the Sharks.

Boston Bruins:

Why They’ll Win – I’m actually at a loss on this one. Mainly I don’t know how a team that is full of interesting characters (I mean, they have a goalie who peaked around the time several players are thinking retirement and there’s a defenseman whose mom possibly mated with a Sequoia on their team!) as a whole manage to come across as so BORING. It’s not their commercials making them dull, I just don’t know what it is. Really. I’m sure they have a chance, but it’s been impossible for me to care enough to find out. Feel free to enlighten me in comments below.

Why They’ll Struggle – Again, I don’t have good evidence either way. Though one thing I’ve noted in the past couple years is that Boston tends to do OK until they are no longer the underdogs.

Tampa Bay Lightning:

Why They’ll Win – Tampa Bay has to be riding the biggest high right now in the playoffs. They’d been out of the playoff scene as long as the Islanders (and that certainly can’t be encouraging) and haven’t so much as sniffed them again until this year. Sure San Jose has to be feeling pretty good about their last win and the Canucks are still feeling pretty good about their last 82 regular season games, but VH1 would say the Lightning are having The Best Week Ever. I actually attribute much of this to a small pouch of pixie dust that was bestowed upon new Tampa Bay GM Steve Yzerman in 1984. I hear a little of that stuff goes a long way. And he’s very frugal.

Why They’ll Struggle – Everyone’s luck has to run out sometime. Also? Bears.

But honestly, all we know at this point is that there’s anywhere from 12 to 21 games left to be played, something unexpected is sure to occur, and by sometime in June we’ll have a new Stanley Cup Champion.

What comes next is a polite refutation of a laughable comment.

The argument makes sense, of course. Gretzky was widely considered the best player of the ’80s and ’90s by everyone except Mario Lemieux, while Crosby is considered the best current player by everyone except Alexander Ovechkin. But statistically, it is inarguable that Wayne Gretzky has accomplished more. Even if you look at the first six seasons of their respective careers (Crosby’s only 23 and only has 5 and 1/2 years under his belt), it’s no comparison. Below is a comparison chart between the player totals from their first 5 1/2 professional seasons:

Of the dozen major stat categories, Crosby hasn’t outperformed Gretzky in any of them. Unless you count penalty minutes as a positive, which neither of those players did.

To be fair, Roenick never said Crosby was better. He said he was more talented, which is equivalent to a palm reader predicting that you will soon receive an answer to your question – It doesn’t mean anything on its own.

“The era now, the players are so much better. The goaltenders are so much better. The equipment is so much more advanced, it would really hard to compare the two eras, but Gretzky was by far the smartest player but I think Sidney Crosby is definitely way more talented than Wayne.”

Ah, yes. The ol’ different-incomparable eras caveat. Everyone today is faster, stronger, meaner, smarter. The sport is always evolving, always changing. Babe Ruth couldn’t keep a spot on today’s Pirates teams. Floyd Mayweather would put Sugar Ray Robinson in a coma before the end of the first round. Serena Williams would have served a hole through Martina Navratilova’s chest today.

Okay. I’ll play that game. Say today’s hockey game is, in fact, faster, stronger, meaner and smarter (it is, it is) than the game Gretzky entered 27 years before Crosby. How much so? Ten percent? Fifteen? Let’s say that between 1984 (Gretzky’s seventh season) and 2005 (Crosby’s first season) the league intensified 1 percent each year. Every year that goes by, that one percent carries with it an extra incremental weight, so it’s doubtful the game really evolves that much. But if we say it does, and we therefore adjust Crosby’s totals by 25 percent to account for the “sissified” era in which Gretzky played, this is what we get:

Okay, so if we shrink the bulky, beefier goalies of today into the skinny string beans Gretzky was shooting at, then Crosby’s shooting percentage surpasses Wayne. Other than that, you could adjust Crosby’s stats to account for a league that is even a third intensified from that of 20 years ago and he still wouldn’t surpass Gretzky on even half of these categories.

So what was Roenick talking about when he said Crosby was more talented? How does that manifest on the ice? Does it manifest as potential? Maybe, but Gretzky’s best years came after his sixth season. Crosby’s statistical output would almost have to double to match some of the things Gretzky went on to do in those late ’80s seasons. Was Roenick comparing Crosby to his peers? Because if you do that with Gretzky, you’ll see his statistical output as compared to the others of his era was vastly ahead of Crosby. As Crosby hasn’t completed his sixth season in the league, if we look at each player’s fifth season in the league, we see that Gretzky made the top 5 in 10 of the 12 categories (led the league in six), while Crosby made the top 5 in only five categories (led the league in one). He’s just not as dominant.

It’s hard to dislike Roenick, but his opinion here makes as little sense as his dominance in the NHL’94 video game for Genesis.

So here’s a look at some of the ones the Blackhawks have loved and lost this year, where their biggest regrets may lie, and who’s working to fill the gaps left behind. Speaking of filling gaps…

Antti Niemi (G) – This had the potential to be the most devastating loss to the Hawks. See, at one time Chicago was home to two seemingly middle-of-the-road goalies. Nikolai Khabibulan had slowed down a little, but was still capable of showing flashes of brilliance. Patrick Lalime wasn’t a bad second-choice as long as they were trying to put together an offensive line that would make goaltending mostly a moot point anyway. But somewhere along the line they must have gotten confused, because it seems they saw this and said, “There. That’s our guy!” And never looked back… unlike Cristobal Huet, who was constantly looking back while wondering “How did that get there…?” Lucky for them, Niemi showed up before the playoffs, because while I’m pretty sure he could cause the puck to disintegrate with just the heat of his stare, that may have given them a few more delay-of-game penalties than they’d like, so it’s good he could stop them the old-fashioned way as well.

And by ‘could’ I really do mean that in the past tense. That’s right, gone are the 2.25 GAA and .912 save percentage days of yesteryear. Hello to 4.50 and .854. Yes, I realize we’re only a handful of games into the season, but…4.50! Essentially this means opposing teams are scoring 4-5 goals on Niemi per game! Do you know how many games so far this season could have been won by four goals or less? (Don’t worry. I calculate the stats, so you don’t have to.) Ninety-four percent! Sure, some teams went ahead and scored five, six or seven, but 94% of the time a team only needed to score those guaranteed four goals that Niemi is giving away each game to ensure victory. Congratulations Antti (or do we know each other well enough that I can just call you ‘Ann’ now?), you’re making Marty “22-win” Turco look good. And way to go Chicago! So far their most insane-looking move may be their best.

Dustin Byfuglien (D) – Dustin Byfuglien. Pronounced Buff-lin, pronounced correctly Bye-fug-lee-an, and pronounced humorously Butt-fugly (which is why I’m no longer invited to the Byfuglien house for Sunday dinners).

Sure this guy made his presence known in the playoffs. But he also kind of made it known all the rest of the time too. If you had no loyalty to either team gunning for the Cup last year, you probably didn’t know who you’d rather see get flattened, him or Chris Pronger. (OK, that’s a lie. It’s Pronger.) Except you knew this guy was way more likely to be the flattener than the flattenee.

The thing that made Byfuglien different from your run-of-the-mill defenseman goon is that he could skate and manage to find the net too. Makes him some sort of double-threat, like a roofie in a shot of Jager, which, come to think it, might be how a lot of players felt after a run-in with Big Buff.

So what’s going on so far? Two goals and six points in eight games with Atlanta. And 21 penalty minutes. Buff hasn’t changed, but how much has Chicago changed without him in the lineup?

Kris Versteeg (LW) – Don’t worry. Hawks got this one in the bag. Sure they traded Kris Versteeg to the Maple Leafs this summer, but they did not give them their young winger who’s played nearly 80 games each of the past two seasons and averaged 49 points per season in that time. Oh no, they gave them the Versteeg who’s only managed to find the scoresheet twice so far (and with the Maple Leafs, no doubt!), he of the two points and minus-4.

But the guy who has actually been taking the ice with the Hawks all this time is Versteeg’s evil twin, Kris Vertseeg. You can see how the correct player was indeed honored first on the Stanley Cup this year. And you don’t know it yet, but they’re still hanging on to that one. He shall be unleashed when the time is right. You might think back-to-back losses (even one to Columbus!) is “when the time is right.” Clearly it is not. Hold your horses. Give dudes like Viktor Stalberg a chance to show you what they’re made of. Right now? He’s looking better than Versteeg is in Toronto.

Andrew Ladd (LW) – Here’s another one who’s come alive (even more.) Something about the Thrashers has sat well with most of their Blackhawk transplants. It must be how similar Atlanta is to Chicago… Ladd is riding a five-game scoring streak and could break into a 30-goal season at the rate he’s going. He gave you some good times Chicago, but not quite that good! It’s understandable if you feel a little like a scorned lover. Especially on November 6, when he and Buff come out and bring along other familiar faces, Brent Sopel and Ben Eager. Just remember guys, hold off on the hugs and kisses until after the game.

So in conclusion Blackhawks fans, if you’re down and confused (from this abrupt change of your roster), think of it this way: If you can’t be with Niemi-Byfuglien-Versteeg-Ladd-Eager-Sopel, you gotta love Kane-Toews-Hossa-Keith-Sharp. Do-doot do do, do do do-doot.

What I don’t understand is why not the Canadiens? They’re another Original Six team, they have a slightly better recent history (211 wins in the last five seasons as compared to Toronto’s 181) and they’re essentially named after your country anyway. How can this not be “Canada’s Team?” Sure, there’s that French twist, which separates them as being a Montreal squad vs. anywhere else. But let’s not kid ourselves. The influence may be much more prominent in Quebec but most of Canada is just varying degrees of French anyway. It’s not the same as if we named a team in the U.S. “Les Americains,” which I’m pretty sure translates in French to “Americans,” “fat ‘n’ lazy” or words I’m not allowed to print here, based on the context in which it is used.

On top of that, the Canadiens just had a pretty decent Cup run. So Canada, I think it is time to switch your loyalties, support your countrymen, the ones that give back, not just the ones that only take. Don’t let that little dialectical issue sway you. You can bet if we had a team called the “Alabama ‘Mericans” (don’t kid yourself, of course they’d be in Alabama), then we’d be all over it!

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For those of us living in Chicago, the month of June has been all about hockey and soccer. And for us bandwagon-rejectors living in Chicago, there’s been a fair share of drinking to cope with the phonies who will deny ever going gaga over these sports come September. And as anyone who’s drunk and dispassionate about the sport they’re forced to watch knows, the best way to pass the time is to pick a fight.

With that, let’s pick apart which goaltender has the toughest job: the hockey goalie or the soccer goalie. Add to the argument down in the comments, muchachos.

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Argument that being a hockey goalie is harder:
I take my dog to the park on sunny days and toss the frisbee at him for 20 minutes or so. He doesn’t chase the frisbee as much as he anticipates where that frisbee will land and runs to that spot. He’s marvelous at it, really. Catches it 95 percent of the time. Just him, the wind, distance and time. Y’know, the same exact skills used by every soccer goalie around the world. That said, I should note that my dog eats banana peels from the garbage and doesn’t always understand that just because you can see through a glass door, doesn’t mean that you can walk through it.

This argument is about as much of a no-brainer as my dog. How fast can the strongest soccer player kick a ball? 40-50 mph? Whatever it is, it isn’t 100 mph. A hockey goalie is like a catcher in baseball if there is no batter and the pitcher tries each time to throw it past the ump. Soccer goalies do everything hockey goalies do, only less often and with fewer distractions. It’s like that old quote about Ginger Rogers doing everything Fred Astaire did only with 60 pounds of padding strapped to her body.

Or something.

When’s the last time a soccer player blocked a goalie’s sight line by standing directly in front of ‘em? Never. It’s illegal. Can’t do it. You know what else soccer goalies don’t have to do? Bathe? No. Well, I mean, yeah. But that’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say that they never have to block 40 shots a game. If a soccer goaltender ever blocked more than 20 shots in a game, soccer would be exciting for a second and the world would implode on itself.

Argument that being a soccer goalie is harder:
Hockey goalies need fast reflexes, sure, but they never need to flat-out guess. They never have an offenseman calmly standing 20 yards in front of them plotting to jack a puck at their grill. Soccer goaltenders are ordinarily put in positions where a shot is coming at them and the only way they’ll possibly stop it is by guessing left or right. High or low. Never mind executing the stop. And since we’re on the topic of execution, how ’bout the pressure that the average goalie feels standing in between the posts. His performance has the ability to crumble or uplift a nation and it all hinges upon never ever letting anything past them. Last season, the league average for goals against was 2.84. You know what you call a footie goaltender who lets in an average of 2.84 goals per game? A dead man. Ain’t no other athletic position on Earth that requires icier veins than a soccer goalie. And save (pun!) that junk about the speed of the puck. That’s why hockey goaltenders wear 50 pounds of gear. It’s not like they’re standing their in a pair of shorts waiting for it to crack them in the chest. By the time that puck hits ‘em, it does as much damage as a puck traveling 25 mph on bare skin. You know who actually is standing there in shorts letting it hit them in the chest? If I need to tell you, you haven’t been paying attention.

The verdict:
We’re going with lacrosse goalie. Screw both of those other two sports. Might as well go with an unknown sport that no one is pretending to care about just to be difficult. Lacrosse goalies wear pads like hockey goalies, deal with whipping speeds like hockey goalies and stand in front of a triangular net, which adds an element of geometry not usually experienced in other sports.

And if you’re telling me that adding geometry to things doesn’t make them harder, then you’re as full of shizz as everyone who claims to care what happens to the U.S. in the World Cup but can’t name three players on the team.

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While most members of the hockey community slinked away to whatever hibernation chambers they dwell in during the summer, there remains one bulwark of the NHL  whose busy season is just beginning: Lord Stanley’s Cup.

Each year, the league’s hallowed trophy spends night after night with each of the championhip team’s personnel doing (nearly) anything they see fit. For almost 20 years now, the Cup has been protected enough that no harm could possibly befall the trophy. But this wasn’t always the case.

Below are six instances in which the cup could easily have been lost forever.

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The Rideau Canal. More people. Fewer Cups.

The Punt At Rideau Canal

In 1905, the Stanley Cup didn’t have any rings around it yet and, in fact, was still quite small. So small that if you’re drunk enough (and Canadian enough) it might resemble a football. And that loose connection is just about all the members of the Ottawa Silver Seven needed to convince themselves that punting the item they spent the better part of the year trying to procure across the frozen Rideau Canal was a fine idea.

Here’s what we know: a) most hockey players 95 years ago also played rugby, so punting makes a little more sense than it might otherwise have. b) the cup was punted and it was found a day later in the middle of the ice. c) Ottowans hate carrying things, so they just left the Cup there. d) It was recovered the next day in the middle of the ice. e) Out of shame for not being able to kick a metal cup cross a narrow body of water, no one fessed up to the drunken buffoonery. f) Eyewitnesses swear Hamby Shore spent the next week limping slightly. g) I made “e” up. h) You were lucky I even made it to “c.”

Boy, that Jimmy Rice really does do nice work.

The Stanley Vase

One year later and about 100 miles eastward, the 1906 Montreal Wanderers wanted their picture taken with the Cup, so they took it to the finest photographer in the world (according to a group of men who desired they picture taken with a small metal trophy anyway), a man named Jimmy Rice. Mr. Rice photog-ed ‘em and sent them on their way. As important as it was for the team to have their image captured with the metal trophy, none of them remembered to grab it on the way out.

They climbed the team wheelbarrow or whatever they used for travel, went their separate ways and lived a nice little offseason – all while Mr. Rice’s mother (or wife or housekeeper depending on who’s telling the story) used the Cup as a place to plant her geraniums.

The flowers stayed in the Cup and the Cup stayed in Mr. Rice’s window for weeks before hockey officials started asking questions.

Couldn't find a proper picture, so you get Hayden Panettierre licking the Cup. Deal with it.

A Cup And A Bowl

Sometime around 1910, a member of the Montreal Wanderers operated a bowling alley along St. Catherine Street in his spare time (bowling pun!). That’s not the funny part. Neither is the fact that the owner stuck the cup in the alley’s trophy case. This being Montreal shortly after the turn of the century, both those items can be looked at as no more than commonplace. I’ll even skip over the part where he jams the trophy full of gum and cigars like an immature cornucopia and highlight the fact that he did all this to increase bowling sales.

So what is to be learned from this story? About a century ago, the Stanley Cup was worth about 200 sticks of gum.

Blecch. Lifeboy.

Roadside Distraction

You’ll notice that almost every one of these anecdotes involves someone from Montreal. I’ll leave the conjecture as to why that is to someone else. I will say this, their team name simply identifies what nationality they are. As someone who has interacted with Houston Texans fans in my lifetime, I feel I can aptly draw safe assumtions about these people.

Anywho, in 1924, some Canadiens (not Canadians) left the Cup to die by the side of the road. The team and the Cup were on their way to the owner’s house when the vehicle carrying the Cup blew a flat tire. They got all the way to the party without realizing that the reason a party was being thrown in the first place had been left helpless a mile and half back.

Witnesses at he scene that I just made up on the spot said that the Cup was used to hold the tire’s lugnuts while Sprague Cleghorn changed the tire. When Cleghorn accidentally bumped into the cup and sent the lugnuts flying, Fern Headley blurted out “fudge.”

Only he didn’t say “Fudge.”

Did Conn Smythe turn into the smoke monster in the final season of "Lost?"

Two Worlds, One Cup

 Former NHL owner, Conn Smythe was so sure that Montreal would win the sixth game of the 1947 Finals in Toronto and return to Montreal for the final game of the series that he left the Cup in Montreal.

And for the same reason that my roommate chooses only when I’m naked to not knock on my bedroom door, so was the fate that forced Toronto to win at home while the Cup sat lonely and naked 310 miles away in Montreal.

Smythe move, ex-lax.

.
.

You'd be pissed too if you traveled to Chicago from Montreal and watched your team get beat while sitting in these seats.

Mad Dash At The Mad House

 A Montreal Canadien fan (who else?) named Ken Kilander was so disgusted by the his team’s pitiful play to the Chicago Blackhawks in the final game of 1961 playoff series that he left his seat, ran down to the front lobby of Chicago Stadium where the Stanley Cup was on display, grabbed it and ran like hell. Now, if you’re like me, you’re picturing a rather stout man with stubby legs and the inability to run fast – you know, your average Canadien fan. And if you’re picturing that, it shouldn’t surprise you that the cops nabbed him almost immediately.

When he was asked to explain his behavior to the judge he said, “You honor, I was simply bringing the Cup back to Montreal where it belongs.”

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Photos courtesy of Flickr

Umm … if you do then you’ve severely underestimate the persistence of Cubs fans.

So who else are we looking at?

Philly? They were also an early favorite to win the Cup … but this was before they started playing. The season has been tough on the Flyers, particularly in the net, to the point where I believe for one week their goalie line-up looked like this:

Starter – Some kid they pulled up from the Quad City Mallards
Backup – That guy (close eyes and point at stands at random)
Additional Backup, if needed – That guy next to him?

But even stranger than that is how Montreal has managed to finagle their way this far. The Canadiens were no one’s pick for anything. They were not only the 8^th seed in the East, but also the 16^th seed in the entire post-season line-up. They were actually 19^th in the entire league this season and what have they done so far? Only knocked out the top-seed Capitals along with superstar Alex Ovechkin and then the 4^th seed and defending champion Penguins along with superstar Sidney Crosby. I feel like they’re being given near-impossible tasks and somehow managing to still come out on top every time. I don’t know if I should compare them to Jesus in the desert or Wesley in the Fire Swamp (“But Habs, what about the ROUS’s?” “Russians of unusual scoring? I don’t think they exist.”)

And then there’s the Sharks. Why are we so surprised to see the Sharks make it this far? They were No. 1 in the West. They were last year’s President’s Trophy winners and missed it this year by only eight points. They beat the 8^th and 5^th seed teams. What’s so strange about that? Well for starters, this year’s Avalanche seemed just as worthy an opponent for a good old San Jose choke job as last year’s Ducks. And once they got past that obstacle they moved on to face the Red Wings, who haven’t looked like the Red Wings most of the regular season, but were looking exactly like the Red Wings in the final weeks leading up to the post-season, which tends to spell trouble for the Sharks at any point. Just goes to show what this team can do when someone lets Joe Thornton know that yes, there’s still hockey to be played in May.

So at this point the Stanley Cup Finals are looking rather up in the air and one of the strangest things is, if it comes down to a No. 1 San Jose vs. No. 8 Montreal showdown, I’m not even sure who to refer to as the “underdogs” so I will refer to Underdog …

Hey look! He’s wearing Habs colors. I guess that decides it. Canadiens have just become my most unlikely of picks for the 2010 Stanley Cup. And so before they continue on their next foe, I give them this bit of preparation:

What … is your name?

(The Montreal Canadiens)

WHAT … is your quest?

(We seek Lord Stanley’s Cup)

WHAAAAT … is your favorite color?

Think wisely, guys …

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Pictures courtesy of Flickr

Everyone that identifies as a “die-hard” hockey fan has been putting their blood, sweat and tears into their team for what feels like a lifetime, but have you ever wondered what the team is giving back in return? Sometimes fans are rewarded, like the hockey fans in Carolina. (I’m not being facetious! Put this season aside and look at their last 10 or so years.) Still bitter over the loss of the Whale? Maybe you should consider getting over it. Not only does Carolina rate well on the cost of living vs. household income scale, but in the past decade this frequent dark horse team has managed to pull off two Conference championships and a Stanley Cup victory.

Sometimes your team loyalty makes a nice trade-off for where you’re forced to call home. Example: Where do you not want to live right now? If for some reason you didn’t say “Detroit,” it’s probably because you missed the boat by a couple years and still think the correct answer is “New Jersey.” (Half-credit for Jersey, by the way.) But then which two NHL teams are the only multiple-Cup winners in the past 10 years? It’s not a trick question…

So by taking a look at each NHL city’s average household income, Cost of Living Index, average ticket price, and “payoff” in terms of post-season appearances, Stanley Cup Finals appearance and, of course, Stanley Cup Championships, we at SportScape have come with not necessarily an ordered list of the “best” teams, but a list of the best teams for your money. Call it the Bangbuck Index. I mean, you can call it whatever you’d like – we’re calling it the Bangbuck Index and you might want to join in so everyone doesn’t get confused.

We’re looking only at the last 10 years – the time that all current teams were in the league, and also to keep it relevant. No one feels like they’re getting a better deal being a Senators fan because they won four Cups in the ’20s.

Check our work, here’s the formula:

(((Average Household Income / (Cost of Living / 100)) / 12)/Average Ticket Price) *((1 + (playoff appearance + SC Finals appearance + SC Champions))/100) = Amount of “bang” for a buck; where playoff appearance = 1, SC Finals appearance = 2 and SC Champions = 5*

Got all that? On to the Bangbuck Index

1 Carolina Hurricanes = 14.63 – bang for your buck

2 New Jersey Devils = 13.29

3 Detroit Red Wings = 12.55

4 Colorado Avalanche = 12.05

5 Tampa Bay Lightning = 10.89 - it’s true!

6 Anaheim Ducks = 10.55

7 Ottawa Senators = 9.12 – Canada makes an appearance

8 Dallas Stars = 8.32

9 San Jose Sharks = 6.95

10 Pittsburgh Penguins = 6.91 – a little premature ticket inflation?

11 Calgary Flames = 6.79

12 St. Louis Blues = 4.68

13 Vancouver Canucks = 4.52

14 Edmonton Oilers = 4.24

15 Philadelphia Flyers = 3.50

16 Nashville Predators = 3.47

17 Montreal Canadiens = 3.40

18 Washington Capitals = 3.19 – this year could help them move up

19 Boston Bruins = 3.00

20 New York Islanders = 2.91

21 Buffalo Sabres = 2.69

22 New York Rangers = 2.55

23 Minnesota Wild = 2.00**

24 Chicago Blackhawks = 1.94 - It all rides on this year…

25 Phoenix Coyotes = 1.89

26 Toronto Maple Leafs = 1.76

27 L.A. Kings = 1.59

28 Columbus Blue Jackets = 1.50

29 Atlanta Thrashers = 1.45

30 Florida Panthers = 0.51 – Official “at least we’re not the…” team of the NHL!

* Sources for income and Cost of Living and other stats include state and national censuses, Kiplinger’s Personal Finance Magazine, NHL.com for ticket prices and various Canadian sources. Take the Canadian info with a grain of salt as we couldn’t always verify the accuracy of info or if the numbers used had been converted to USD or not.

** Minnesota Wild did not play in the 1999-2000 season, the first year taken into our standings. We apologize to Wild fans, but at the same time doubt the extra year would have affected much.

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Photos courtesy of Flickr

Of the 10 most expensive sports tickets, eight belong to NFL teams (including Nos. 1 and 2 the Dallas Cowboys and New England Patriots respectively), one belongs to the NBA’s L.A. Lakers (No. 4) and the Maple Leafs sit comfortably as the third most expensive game ticket in all of sports.

The Maple Leafs. The 21-33-12 Maple Leafs. The second-worst record in the league Maple Leafs. The dead-last-in-each-of-the-last-three seasons Maple Leafs.

What gives, Canada? Why are you paying an average of $114 to see what amounts to a semi-pro squad? $168 for a premium seat? $172 after it’s been converted into Canadian currency? $212 if you include the price for all the beer it would take to make a sane person enjoy watching a hockey game? As a Cubs fan, I understand about paying for the experience more than the performance, but this?

This is bizarre. Or ingenious. Or both. Probably both.