Stephen Strasburg Added To Miami Heat Roster
As first reported and orchestrated by ESPN, the Washington Nationals have agreed in principle to send rookie phenom Stephen Strasburg to the Miami Heat in an unprecedented swap that will send three future second round NBA draft picks to the MLB franchise in exchange for the fourth piece in Miami’s superduper über-team. Although details of the agreement have not been finalized, Heat officials have said they plan to start the 6’4″ pitcher at point guard and figure out how the hell to incorporate his baseball skills “hopefully sometime later this season.”
“We’re not really sure how Stephen will fit into our organization,” Miami’s assistant director of player personnel Dickie Montero said on Sunday. “He’s all I keep hearing about over in the MLB and on that basis alone, he seemed to be someone that we are supposed to want on the team.”
The Nationals, who have seen unprecedented growth in popularity in the last two months since Strasburg’s arrival in the league admitted that, while their former star was wonderful for business, he just didn’t fit into the “expected Nationals tradition” adding that the Miami Heat seemed a more appropriate destination for players that “people care about.”
“It’s not unheard of for us to be a popular underdog in April,” Nationals spokesman James Dumpheys said. “But usually by May we’ve reminded all our fans why they hate rooting for us and we go right back to hosting 1,100 hipsters each night who find our team ironic. Strasburg threw our pattern of crippling crappiness out of whack and we had to retool a few things. We think three second-round basketball players in the next few years should bring us back to our tradition of freakish awfulness.”
At the press conference held yesterday, in which Strasburg was introduced alongside the newly acquired “Three Amigos of Miami”: Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and LeBron James, the fireballer looked dumbfounded and more than a little pissed.
“When they said Miami, I thought they meant the Marlins and I was kind of excited. Then I found out they meant the Heat and now I mostly just want to slap somebody.”
Strasburg added,”I mean, the Heat? Really!? Michael Jordan whomped their ass for a decade and they decide to retire his number for it? That’s weak, bro. These bitches just better stay out of my way.”
Strasburg says he’ll spend the remainder of the summer (which has suddenly become his offseason) perfecting his 100 mph bounce passes to LeBron James’ face.
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4 Responses for “Stephen Strasburg Added To Miami Heat Roster”
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I can’t think of any other athlete that I hate more than Lebron James! What an ego maniac!
… Like the “before” picture for a John Cena Creatine endorsement?
Anyone think Strasburg looks kinda like John Cena?
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