Mourn in the U.S.A. (Let’s Make the Rest of the World Cup a Quick Series of Sudden Death Matches)
With the United States’ run in the World Cup done for another four years, I’m finally allowed to hang up my Landycakes jersey right next to my one-time use Dustin Byfuglien Stanley Cup jersey and my John Wall KU warm-up in the back of my closet until the day I die. So much excitement and America’s run in the World Cup ended as quickly as it started. The only options now are to either root for some other team or go back to disowning soccer altogether. The second option seems most likely, especially knowing how long it’s going to take the rest of the World Cup to wind down. No one wants to hear how awesome a party became after they left early, right?
Let’s just finish this Cup as quickly as possible. Let’s make the rest of this thing a series of sudden death matches. It wouldn’t change the outcome of the World Cup, it would just make it shorter and more exciting.
Let’s break it down (and pardon my breath while I do so):
- As of the U.S.’s Saturday loss to Ghana, there have been 50 total games played in the World Cup.
- Of those 50 games, 48 of them have seen the team that scored first go on to tie or win the match (96 percent).
- Of those 50 games, 13 have seen both teams score a goal and not end in a tie.
- Of those 13 games, 11 of the winners were the team that scored the first goal. (85 percent). On June 17, Greece defeated Nigeria 2-1 despite Nigeria scoring first on a free kick. On June 19, Denmark defeated Cameroon 2-1 despite Cameroon drawing first blood. Neither of the four teams involved in those two games made it into the next round or play.
And what about the teams that advanced out of the Group Stage? Wouldn’t a World Cup consisting of nothing but sudden death matches throw the advancing results out of whack? Not really, no.
- Sixteen teams advanced from the first round and played a combined total of 48 games to do so (40 if you dismiss three 0-0 ties and five matches between eventual “Sweet 16″ clubs. We’ll count those games as five, instead of 10). The teams that advanced to the next round scored first in 28 of 40 matches (70 percent).
Basically, all but 30 percent of the “Sweet 16′s” matches were decided after the first goal. And I don’t want to hear about that other 30 percent who might get cheated out of a berth to other rounds. If soccer was that concerned with accurately producing the truly best teams in the world, they wouldn’t allow ties in the Group Round and wouldn’t have hired rookie referees to botch matches in them.
Of course this theory will never happen. Ever. Ever de la Never. But imagine if it did. Fans already have no idea when the game is going to end, at least now they won’t even be able to roughly estimate. And with all the time saved watching nothing happening, Americans will be able to flip the channel and watch baseball - where nothing will also be happening.
Soccer – like Jagermeister – is fun, but in small doses. Consume it quickly, then be done with it for a few years. If the entire World Cup was played in sudden death, nations would be twice as riveted and I’d be half as sick by the time it was all over.
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Photos courtesy of Flickr
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