Tip-In Points: How You Hope The Draft Goes
It’s crazy how excited everyone is over this Pearl Washington jersey. Wait, didn’t Pearl play for the Nets? That must be why everyone was so excited. Because everyone assumed New Jersey would get the No.1 pick in the draft. Because everyone assumed New Jersey should have it. Well, I for one, prefer to spend my shoulds elsewhere.
Today, TIPs looks at who the top 14 picks in the draft should pick next month.
1. Washington Wizards – Greg Monroe Yeah, the Wizards should pick John Wall, but what have the Wizards done lately that makes you think they’ll do what they should? Therefore, to maintain their image of constant failure, the Wiz should burn their first pick on someone undeserving for reasons that make “Lost” seem linear and sensical. They’ll pick the Georgetown-er because he’s a “local talent” or some damn thing.
2. Philadelphia 76ers – Evan Turner … Then of course, the Sixers, assuming Wall was going to be chosen first, pick Turner before realizing they just let a franchise player fall to the Russians.
3. New Jersey Nets – John Wall The Nets choose Wall. Then LeBron joins the team and Brook Lopez shows the world he has a fifth gear. A Russian does what Springsteen, Sinatra and Bon Jovi never could: make New Jersey respectable.
4. Minnesota Timberwolves – Eric Bledsoe I can see the ad campaign now: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, we drafted another PG, but we were told the little guy from Kentucky was awesome.”
5. Sacramento Kings – Derrick Favors He’s the best big in the draft and the Kings could use someone in the frontcourt that doesn’t have weak little noodle arms.
6. Golden State Warriors – DeMarcus Cousins Um, what was Andris Biedrins’ free throw percentage last season? .160. Oh. Wait, what? Yeah, they’ll take Cousins. I’m sure this jerk will get along with Nellie just fine.
7. Detroit Pistons – Al-Farouq Aminu When one Tayshaun Prince isn’t enough, get an Austin Daye. When two Princes can’t be wrong get Aminu and a Spin Doctors record.
8. Los Angeles Clippers – Cole Aldrich This guy will replace what the Clips lost when Marcus Camby was traded while also acting as insurance for oft-injured Chris Kaman. As if those two items weren’t harbingers of doom, Aldrich is a white guy from Kansas. Draft day will be the last any of us hear from Aldrich.
9. Utah Jazz – Wesley Johnson This pick guarantees the Jazz will lead the league in Wesleys next season.
10. Indiana Pacers – Ed Davis With Cole Aldrich probably gone by the 10th round, the Pacers will take the guy with the second-whitest sounding name left on the board. Larry Bird will immediately panic when he realizes he accidentally drafted a black guy.
11. Memphis Grizzlies – Xavier Henry I almost chose James Anderson, but I decided – as I imagine the Grizz will also decide – that “Xavier Henry” fit in with the blues band thing the Grizz have going with the likes of O.J., Z-Bo, Rudy and the crew.
12. New Orleans Hornets – Donatas Motiejunos Because people finally figured out how to pronounce “Stojakovic.”
13. Toronto Raptors – Hassan Whiteside Meet the new Bosh. Same as the old Bosh (except way different).
14. Houston Rockets – Daniel Orton Just in case Yao’s foot doesn’t stay healthy. And, really, why would anyone assume it will?
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Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Sports via Getty Images
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