Picture This: Kyle Boller Buys Low
Hi there. Sidelines was doing a little holiday shopping and ran into backup St. Louis quarterback, Kyle Boller, and his new belle, Carrie Prejean, at a local Pottery Barn (they were looking for ottomans). Never willing to turn down an interview – no matter how impromptu – Sidelines set aside its adorable sailboat paper weights and asked the couple a few questions.
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Sidelines Blog: Honestly, I’m surprised to see you here just walking around like a normal non-celebrity.
CP and KB: [Simultaneously] Thanks.
Wait. I’m pretty sure Sidelines was talking to me, Kyle.
I am Miss America.
You were Miss America for, like, seven minutes. I play
professional football.
Backup QB for the Rams? Seriously? You’re counting that?
You’ve played, like, four games this season. I’ve got a sex tape …
SB: Several sex tapes … and pictures.
[ ... ]
SB: Sorry. Forget I said anything.
Anyway. Grandmas as housewives know who I am.
Do they know who you are, Kyle?
No. But my celebrity is based on my accomplishments. Yours is
based mostly on being a beautiful woman who keeps sticking her
foot in her mouth.
This is America, Kyle. That’s what celebrities do! Do you really
think Sidelines is here to discuss the 870 passing yards you have
this year?
I have 876.
Kyle, you’re being inappropriate. And I’m about ready to walk out.
Without an ottoman? That’d be a waste.
Do you think you’re slumming with me? ‘Cause I’m under the
impression I’m slumming with you. I could have totally gone
after Tony Romo.
Carrie, what have you done besides lose the Miss America
crown?
I successfully parlayed all the reasons I lost that crown into
public appearances. No one’s made breast implants, sex tapes
and personal morality work for them as long as I have. I’ve
been famous for almost 10 months now.
Yeah. And in another 10 months, where will you be?
Oh, fine. Fine. That’s real tough talk from a guy who couldn’t throw
a single touchdown against the friggin’ Bears on Sunday. Maybe
you should ask yourself where you’ll be in 10 months. And you
can start by pondering that on the couch tonight. Ugh. I don’t
even care about the stupid ottomans anymore.
[Prejean stomps off]
So between you and me, who were you calling a celebrity?
SB: Um … well … she does have a sex tape, Kyle.
Several.
SB: Right. Maybe if you date a blonde who isn’t a nutcase, next time. I mean, you had to have known this was coming. I imagine you read US Weekly and InTouch magazines on a regular basis, no?
Constantly. [sigh] You’re right. I better go get out of dutch
with the missus. She’s been looking forward to this ottoman
hunt since Wednesday.
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Photos courtesy of Flickr
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