The Bird That Cost $83K Per Knuckle
I’ve flipped a lot of birds in my day. A lot. And I won’t deny dreaming of eventually becoming powerful enough that I no longer face consequences when I do it. And here I thought owning a middling football franchise would grant me such a lifestyle. Turns out, I’m gonna have to aim higher.
Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams flung numerous middle fingers in the Buffalo Bills’ general direction on Sunday in full view of the cameras.
In the No Fun League, there was no question that Adams had a fine coming. The question was how much it was going to be. I mean, none of the birds were particularly strong. Adams, 86, is too old to clinch his fist while flipping off Bills fans and his arthritic fingers couldn’t fully extend. Then again, he flipped five total birds. That’s about a bird every two seconds, which is a shockingly rapid clip for such an action. At least NFL commissioner Roger Goodell thought so. He fined Adams a quarter of a million dollars Monday evening, the largest non-cheating related fines in league history.
In the last 10 days, Bears QB Jay Cutler paid out $20,000 for arguing with a ref, Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad OchoCinco paid the same amount for playfully pretending to bribe an official with a $1 bill and Chicago’s defensive lineman Tommie Harris owed $7,500 for punching an offensive lineman in or around the eyes.
What can we learn from all this? For starters, that the league’s image is worth far more than the safety of its players. There was only one of these fines that was in any way a danger to another person and it was the cheapest of them all.
But God bless ‘em, if these trends continue, the players and owners will carry on, unaffected by the fines. Heck, the players will start budgeting for it during contract negotiations. $60 million for five years with good behavior or $65 million for four years with bad behavior.
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