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Dude. For real, it must suck. It must totally suck to be this, like, crazy-awesome teen sailor who just wants to get in her boat and be alone. Alone for, like, however long it takes to sail around the friggin’ globe. Gawd! It’s not like she’s asking for a tattoo or whatever.

Nordic teens talk like that, right? It must be somewhat close. Maybe they add a few more doouble voweels and an ümlaut ör threë, but basically teens are teens. 

On Friday, a Dutch court ruled against 14-year-old Laura Dekker’s desire to take a solo journey across the world in her sail boat. Had she been allowed, she would have been the youngest person to do so.

The case started several months ago when word spread through the Netherlands of Dekker’s interest and questions began popping up about the girl’s safety. Man, parents just don’t understand. Most parents don’t. Dekker’s father was cool with it, being an accomplished sailor himself. Her mother was hesitant unless certain safety precautions were met. For this, I can only assume the precaution began and end with “no death.” As that was never guaranteed, Dekker’s mother was never totally cool with it. It was all the other parents who didn’t understand how two seemingly sane authority figures could let their 14-year-old skip town … and land … for months, alone.

Squares. The whole lot of ‘em. So square, in fact that Dekker was placed under child protection to insure she doesn’t sneak off into the wild blue after curfew. Or, y’know … ever.

The assumption in this case was that the judges ruled against Dekker setting sail because of psychological concerns or questions of her sailing skill set. This is a fair assumption considering Dekker now has a child protection agent tailing her every move until next summer. The judge claimed this was not about her ability to sail, but about her inability to keep up with her schooling. I don’t doubt that that’s part of it, but it’s certainly not the part that started all this in the first place. It’s about Dekker’s safety. If she were going to be safe, no one would question her parents, would they? Strangers don’t question parents when their kids appear to be completely safe. But no, the judge said, all this is about her education.
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The ironic part about this is that she’s been sailing for years, will likely continue to do so in the future and will be told by various teachers at various levels of her education the same advice the rest of us have heard: “follow your dream,” “don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do it,” “jump in with both feet” and “the best way to learn is by doing.” Can you imagine the snotty look she’s going to have perfected by the time she turns 18 after hearing this over and over?

There had to have been a way to allow Dekker to do this, right? Couldn’t another boat have followed her through her journey as long as it didn’t assist her in any way? Pace trucks ride alongside the bicyclists at the Tour de France, but no one accuses Lance Armstrong or Floyd Landis of cheating, right? Right?!?

And riddle me this, Batman: If schooling is such an issue, how does Dakota Fanning do it? There’s no way she was making Mrs. Wooster’s homeroom everyday and filming five movies a year. “War of the Worlds?” “Nine Lives?” “Dreamer?” C’mon.

I like Dekker’s spirit. She’s already figured out that even if she sets sail next May when school lets out, she can still be the youngest to go across the world. And I hope it happens too. I mean, c’mon. What’s the worst that could happen by roguishly sailing off alone to a faraway land? Besides this, I mean.

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