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60 Names For Your Fantasy Basketball Team

Fantasy team names are like pet’s names: To hell with respectable, the goal is to hit on something funny. Naming your team something like “The Fantasy All-Stars” defies the best part of playing fantasy sports. Where else can you utilize glib irony by making fun of insignificant portions of the game in hopes of making your friends chuckle once? Besides a blog I mean? Nowhere. Unless, of course, you’re the type of person that treats your pets, kids and fantasy basketball teams equally. If that’s the case than you should know that your team name sucks and people are chuckling at your first born daughter, Hibachi.

It’s not too late to right the ship. Even if you’ve already drafted your team, you’ve still got time before the mortar of its name sets. In honor of the NBA’s 60th anniversary, here are 60 names for your fantasy basketball team.

T E A M S   N A M E D   A F T E R   C U R R E N T   P L A Y E R S

• Baron Von Wafer – If you get stuck with either Baron Davis or Von Wafer, this awesome team name might be the only thing your team has going for it.
• Bedtime For Mensa-Bonsu – … Thus marking the end of your Ronald Reagan references for today.
• Boom Boom Pau – I’m so 3008. He’s so 2,000 and great.
• Courtside View of Shaqnuts – I sat next to Nicholson about 11 years ago and caught the Shaqnut view. It has since replaced the clown in my nightmares.
• Dejuan Blair, Natalie, Jo & Tootie – You take the good, you take the bad, you take 36 rookies before Dejuan Blair and there you have …
• Durant Tarantella – I don’t have to explain it to like it.
• Durantin’ & Ravin’ – Something I did quite a lot of in last year’s draft by taking Allen Iverson over Durant.
• Durantula Attack – The only thing harder than getting Kevin Durant in the draft is choosing how to name your team after him.
• Graceful Like A Gasol – Their scraggly beards act like wind foils. That’s sleek, homey.
• Half Man, Half A Moron – The only way I’ll be convinced Orlando is the most magical place on Earth is if it makes me forget how much I hate Vince Carter.
• Joanie Loves Hibachi – Does Hibachi love her back? Joanie should be so lucky.
• Kobe’s Therapist – … yeah, but Odom’s pen is mightier.
• Mercury, Saturn, Arenas – … Whether he’s from another world or because he’s an ass. You decide.
• MVSteve – If not in the league, then in our hearts.
• Nerve Griffin
• Okurtober Fest – Like every good Fest, drink every time Mehmet’s man beats him down court.
• Osh Bosh B’Gosh
• Redd Rovers – Red Rover, like Michael Redd, almost always ends in some sort of injury.
• Refs Hate Rafer – And if they don’t, perhaps your team name will convince them they should.
• RiDirkulous
• Sefolosha-palooza – Yeah. Santogold shows up to Sefolosha-palooza and ruins everything there too.
• Shake ‘n’ Blake
• Shot of Jamison – … Which goes down way smoother than a Shot of Jack [Sikma].
• Speights Is Enough – … But probably not until the 12th round.
• Standing Tall And Tainted – Just like A’m'a’r'e’s retinas. Hi-o!
• Tharhythm & Thabeet
• There Is No Dana, Only Rasual – What a lovely singing voice Rasual must have.
• The Third Lopez - Call me when they find a third Gasol.
• The Tuff Juicers – The best juice since Ecto Cooler.
• Walleyed McGrady’s
• World B. Yi – Because there’s someone out there that loves both World B. Free and Yi Jianlian and I want to please that guy.

T E A M S   N A M E D   A F T E R   O L D   P L A Y E R S

• Driving In Cars w/ Barkley – Not recommended
• Hoiberg’s Un-Retirement – I’m not giving up hope until he’s dead. Don’t take that away from me.
• Shammgod Supernova – Because having an awesome name sometimes outweighs a 20-game career averaging 3.1 PPG and .328 FG%.
• Shot On Ehlo … GOOD! – Never forget.
• Starks Still Sucks – It’s true you know. He still sucks.
• Stuck In Divac’s Beard – This should be reserved for last place-bound teams only. Or teams rostering Bibby or Turkoglu. (Same dif’)
• Tilt-a-Wilt – Before there was Haq-a-Shaq …
• Wherefore Art Thou, Rumeal?
• Wilt’s Deep Penetration - [nudging you with elbow] Get it? Eh? See what I did there?

T E A M S   N A M E D   A F T E R   T E A M S

• Geez, Wiz
• Grizz in 4 – See? it’s funny because no one would pick the Grizzlies to win anything in four games. Ever.
• Hoser Grizzlies – More lost? Zach Randolph in Canada or a grizzly bear in Tennessee?
• Kibbles & Knicks – If only Kerry Kittles had played for New York, I totally would have called my team “Kittles ‘N’ Knicks.”
• Knicks ‘n’ Giggles - I’ll take “what Spike Lee will have none of this season” for $400, Alex.
  
• Lifelock Suns
• OKNC ThunderCats – I get these two teams mixed up anyway, might as well embrace it and shout out to Lion-o in the process.
• Philadunkonya – Well … Iguodala will, anyway.

T E A M S   N A M E D   A F T E R   B A S K E T B A L L   G O I N G S – O N

• Boomshakalaka – In honor of the thousands of times I yelled this sitting in front of my TV during the 90s.
• Boston Frogs, Chicago Ox, L.A. Breakers, New York Eagles – The only four teams available in the original Double Dribble game for Nintendo. I can’t imagine Texans wanted anything to do with this mess.
• DNP: Coaches Decision – A solid option if you have more than two Warriors on your team.
• D’Antoni Snooze Alarm
• The Dunkaroos – Mom gave me Little Debbie. The grass is always greener.
  
• Halftime Tweeters
• I Can’t See the Laker Girls!
• King ‘N’ Duck – K & D looked like they were 45 years old. How were they still kings of the L.A. courts?
  
• The Nerdlucks
• Sport Goggle Squadron – Moses, Kareem, Rambis, Worthy, Outlaw, Stoudemire: SGS Activate!
• The Van Gundy Resemblance – If you have it, you’ve got bigger problems than what place your fantasy team finishes.
• The Velvet Hoop – Feel free to use it as a dirty euphemism if you’d like.

Posted by Adam on Oct 25th, 2009 and filed under Basketball, Fantasy Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response by filling following comment form or trackback to this entry from your site

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