Cool Geezer Disappointingly Kicks Soccer Ball Like Lame Geezer
merciful heavens! Hollywood legend Clint Eastwood can’t kick a soccer ball. He was born in the Jurassic period, I know. But still. In France for the Lyon Film Festival last week, he kicked that ball in front of thousands of Lyon futbol fans like a toddler at the park.
What a kick (pun!) in the butt. Josey Wales kicks better than that, right? Wouldn’t Rowdy Yates puncture the hell out of the ball? Oh no, this just won’t do. This is like helplessly watching street toughs beat up your dad or realizing your son throws a football like a girl (a non football-throwing girl).
Geez. Coogan gets one shot in front of thousands and he totally hacky-sacks it.
No. I need to tap into one of my defense mechanisms on this deal. Projecting? No. Idealization? No, that’s what got me in this mess in the first place. Irrational denial? That’ll work.
Clint is a man’s man. An American man’s man. Why would he know about kicking a soccer ball? He can throw a 107 mph fastball. He can dunk over Dwight Howard. I’m pretty sure I saw a deleted scene from “Unforgiven” where he randomly ran the 40-yard dash in 3.5 seconds.
If Clint’s not good at soccer it’s because he doesn’t want to be. And he was wearing a suit … with loafers … while carrying an umbrella.
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A!
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