Oprah Just WISHES You Would Tell Her To Stay Away From Sports
Last week, Oprah Winfrey compelled former heavyweight champs Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson to publicly appear together for the first time since “The Bite Fight” of 1997. That idea alone should have made you gone cross eyed with questions. Why Oprah? Why now? Why them? Wait. No seriously, why Oprah?
Ms. Winfrey’s on a kick. Yeah. I’m calling it a kick instead of a development or a movement or a new direction. Having Iron Mike and Real Deal chit-chat 12 years past their primes and for little reason other than promoting the DVD release of Tyson’s documentary, seems nonsensical if considered anything other than a passing fancy of Winfrey’s. I mean, what’s the end game here? Two weeks ago, she traveled with the president and first lady to Copenhagen to cajole the International Olympic Committee into handing Chicago the 2016 Summer Games. Three weeks before that, she scored an exclusive post-peep video interview with ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews. Why? What’s Oprah got to do with sports? Have you seen her? The women’s built like Kirby Puckett.
There are only two reasonable explanations for her sudden interest in athletics: a) someone said that she has very little pull with sports fans and it didn’t sit well with Oprah or b) someone dared her to start doing crazy things that she has no business doing, just to see if she could pull it off. Frankly, I think it’s a little of both.
“Oh, I’ll bring the Olympics to Chicago. Don’t think I won’t. I type 15 numbers into that phone right there, I’ll have the president clearing a space for me on Air Force One this afternoon. And when I’m done with that, I’m gonna make someone cry? Who should I make cry? Mike Tyson. I’m gonna make Mike-friggin’-Tyson weep. I’m gonna make him weep and shake hands with Evander Holyfield. I’ll make ‘em hug! What do I care? I’m Oprah! … Now who is this skinny blonde chick I’m interviewing and why do we care about her nudity?”
But that’s why this whim is so bizarre. Outside of a decidedly sports-centered, decidedly male and decidedly horny audience, no one did care about Erin Andrews. Certainly not Oprah’s key demographic of women ages 28 – 55. They didn’t care. How many women in that audience had ever heard of Andrews before walking into the studio? Andrews has said that she wanted to purge the incident from her life by discussing it on the grandest single-serving stage she could find. But for the people interested in her story or those that helped create it, “The Oprah Winfrey Show” was among the most nonsensical venues to appear. Peephole drilling (or video voyeurism) isn’t generally happening to housewives, nor does it seem something housewives need a crusader from whom to gather strength. Besides, peephole guy is more a fan of “The View” if you catch my meaning.
I’ve already written about Winfrey’s hubris-mas involvement with the Olympics (what? Michael Jordan was too busy?), and here it was again during Monday’s taping when Tyson sat in on the show.
Hey Winfrey audience members, how many of you enjoy boxing? No? Not many of you, I see. Okay, well how many of you like Mike Tyson anyway, perhaps for his appearance in “The Hangover” or the famous Nintendo game bearing his name or the spousal abuse scandal with Robin Givens from 20 years ago? No? No fans? How many of you would rather watch a show about mothers and daughters re-forming bonds after perilous estrangements?
Yes. There’re those hands we were looking for.
The Tyson portion of the interview (before Holyfield came on stage) touched upon his abusive relationship with Robin Givens a little, but nothing that his followers didn’t already know and certainly nothing that warrants drudging up 21-year-old demons.
And this is why Oprah must be making good on a few dares. She could have any interview she wants and she chooses non-sequiters that neither speak to her audience nor showcase her particular brand of influence.
Old, female, self-help, love, literature: Oprah.
Male, sports, athletes: Somebody else.
She won the dare with the Andrews interview, lost another with the Chicago Olympic bid and went double-or-nothing with the “Bite Fight” reunion.*
Unfortunately, I think the double-or-nothing was dependent upon both Tyson and Holyfield crying. Tyson got teary-eyed, Holyfield didn’t. If Oprah’s that far in the hole now, expect something crazy from her before the new year.
I’m thinking she’s going to brainwash America into becoming passionate about cricket. Crazy.
_____________________________
* How ironic is it that the very fight in which Holyfield gets chunks of his sound-detecting body part bitten off by the sport’s most enraged personality was a fight originally hyped as “The Sound and the Fury?” A dozen years later and that still kills me.
Leave a Reply
