The Daily Affirmations of a Fantasy Football Commissioner
Being a fantasy football commissioner is a thankless job. The owners pester you, the rules can change in 1,000 ways, and you’re ultimately responsible for the survival of the league.
It’s too much for one person to handle. From the trade deadlines to the waivers, it’s not uncommon for commissioners to neglect their own team because of the stress. And when the owners are in uproar, some don’t know where to turn.
But there is help. At SportScape, we care about the mental health of all the fantasy football commissioners out there. So to fantasy commissioners from all walks of life, we present a daily affirmation for those who seek to perfect their league.
- I am a fantasy football commissioner. I created this league out of chaos and breathed it into life. My owners yearn for my leadership, and I will never leave them.
- I will give my duty all the seriousness it clearly deserves. Like mighty Caesar, I must bear this great responsibility alone. And only through unyielding dedication can greatness be achieved in my league.
- I will serve as commissioner both at work and in my leisure time. Should my employer terminate me, it is only because they covet my fantasy prowess. Should my wife leave me, my owners will be my new spouses.
- The waiver wire shall be my shield, and the trading deadline my sword. I will know when my weapons should be used to protect and when to strike fear. Should any dark trades fill the land, I will strike them down like the vermin they are. And if my owners collude, they will suffer the darkest corners of my rage.
- All owners are equal in the eyes of the commissioner, except for those who autopick on draft day. They did not show dedication, and have therefore are bestowed second-class citizenship. I will extend the same treatment to any owners who are fans of the Cleveland Browns.
- I will make no rule change upon the insistence of one owner. Every action will be voted on by the entire league, unless it greatly benefits my team. Passing touchdowns will be worth 6 points, unless my opponent has Peyton Manning or Tom Brady, and in such case they will be reverted to -2 points.
- And be it a Sunday, a Monday or a Thursday night, I will always be lurking on our league’s web page to ensure that peace is at hand. Should the owners of my fair league drive me until my wit’s end, I will simply keep the prize money and spend it on a new TV.
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Photo courtesy of Flicker
Posted by Adam
on Aug 31st, 2009 and filed under Fantasy Sports, Football.
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