Hey Tito, Go Ahead And Put That Anywhere
You gotta figure Red Sox skipper Terry Francona was jealous that Kevin Youkilis got to vent some frustration in Tuesday’s brawl and he didn’t. I mean, what was Tito going to do? Poke Jim Leyland in the eye? Leyland is, like, 90-something years old and I’m still not sure Francona would come away unscathed. It’s a no-win situation, like arm-wrestling a girl.
Four batters after the well-publicized brawl in the second inning at Fenway, Francona stuffed as much Dubble Bubble into his mouth as he could and stomped out to second base ump Scott Barry to argue a baserunning call.
It’s difficult to articulate the amount of gum Francona usually carries in his mouth, much as it is difficult to capture the magnitude of China’s Great Wall when you are standing a foot away from it.
Anyway, the argument was either a disaster or it went swimmingly. It depends on whether Francona hoped to get thrown out. Either way, he did get tossed. I blame the gum. I’m sure something was lost in translation between Francona, the garbled words of a major league manager trying to speak with a giant rubbery wad of pink goop bouncing around in his mouth and the ump. So Francona, in what I assume was a gesture of good faith, removed it from his mouth and whipped it somewhere toward the pitcher’s mound.
The umps examine Francona's gum seconds before it's thrown
Maybe it hit the infield grass, maybe not. You can find the video here.
Who do you suppose took care of that gum? It certainly wasn’t Francona. I’m pretty sure angrily flinging your gum onto the infield dirt only to go and pick it up again is like breaking up with your girlfriend and then asking her to drive you home after you do it.
But know this: Someone went and got that gum. The grounds crew at major league parks cover every inch of that field before, during and after games. There’s no way they’d let a pink glob of spit and sugar sit there for Victor Martinez to cleat and trip all over. Gum underneath a cleat is just awful. You can’t even imagine.
Might the grounds crew rock-paper-scissors for who had to go out there? Do they have a specific member on “infield debris” detail? ‘Cause you know THAT poor guy considers himself the low man on the totem pole. I would hope that for his sake, as soon as that gum touched down, he was out there with rubber gloves ready to scoop it up without being told; like a tennis ball boy or the guys with the mops under basketball nets. Just as long as he got there without being told. There aren’t many lower moments in a man’s life than when the crew chief turns to you and tells you to go fetch Francona’s gum.
As crazy as Sawx fans are ahr, the team could have pointed to just about anyone in the Fenway stands to pick up the wad and do with it whatever they wanted.
I’m thinking eBay.
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