Mercury Falling, LifeLock Rising, pt. 2
By now it’s no longer big news that LifeLock will be sponsoring the Phoenix Mercury, placing their name and logo boldly across the players’ fronts, leaving no room for things of lesser importance such as the city the team resides in or the team’s actual name. I hope they thought long and hard about this and how they’ve doomed themselves to become known as the LifeLock Mercury from this point on. But it’s not all bad to accept the sponsorship and ride them as far as they’ll take you, which is why I gave the Eastern Conference teams some suggestions of who they might want to hit up as a better alternative to batting their lashes and asking daddy for a loan. Or selling candy bars door to door.
But rather than allow the remaining Western Conference to feel like the little Cambodian child Angelina Jolie didn’t adopt, I figured they might need some suggestions as well.
L.A. Sparks
Well among the biggest corporations over in la-la land is the incredibly obvious 20th Century Fox. Large enough to sponsor a team? Certainly. Look good on the jerseys? Umm… If they REALLY want to be noticed, there’s always the controversial and ever so slightly risqué route of Suicide Girls, also L.A. born and raised. Their jerseys might require a bit more modification than a simple name change. On the plus side, male interest in the WNBA just increased 1,250 percent.
Minnesota Lynx
So many choices in Minnesota, who knew this was where large corporation headquarters thrive? It must be a more comfortable climate for their icy hearts. Target, General Mills, Pepsi, 3M, Land O’ Lakes. Much like the team’s auspicious start, Minnesota sponsors have it made. Is this coming off rather anti-climactic after L.A? A little. Is ‘Land O’ Lakes Lynx’ still fun to say? Definitely.
Sacramento Monarchs
Sacramento…really. Well there’s Tower Records. Or there was. I’m not really sure that place still exists. Truth be told, I don’t think they even outlasted Media Play. Maybe Detroit has something to spare for them.
San Antonio Silver Stars
Speaking of auto-makers, San Antonio’s best bet would likely be with Advantage Rent-a-Car, as it’s basically the only auto-type business that could probably sponsor a team without having to ask them for a loan first. Plus it just SOUNDS like a company that should be sponsoring a rather under-the-radar pro sports team.
And finally, let’s wrap this all up with:
Seattle Storm
Only one thing to say about this crew and that’s that if they don’t become the Starbucks Storm then they are an embarrassment to Seattle and deserve to have their team relocated to some crazy place like Oklahoma City.
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