Phelps Is Back, Can We Stop Pretending He Deserved To Be Gone?
Robo-Olympiad Michael Phelps returns to the pool this week after being sent to his room for three months to think about what he did.
So what did he think about? If I had three guesses, I’d guess this, this or this. And let’s get real, the USAS gave him a three-month suspension with the same fervor a proud papa punishes his son for winning a fight because his wife demanded he do so. USAS didn’t want to be in dutch with the morality police, but they also want their golden boy in the pool. And the last three months was the manifestation of a lame compromise.
For the record, Phelps is a bonehead. But he’s 23-years-old, I expect him to be a bonehead. My frustration lies in the moral watchdogs who pretend to be surprised that a 23-year-old mega-star is a bonehead.
Suddenly, the golden boy lost his sheen and it became of the utmost importance to examine every dull spot in his façade. As if he had been trying to fool us along along. He hadn’t. For a reputation to be tarnished, it had to have been spotless in the first place. It wasn’t. And the world convincing itself of the veneer and then faking that the veneer had vanished is just…baffling. He was always Michael Phelps, the ungodly perfect swimmer from Maryland, but that’s it. That was all we really knew (that and that his mother was a bit of a ham). So yeah, okay. Shame on Michael Phelps for inhaling an illegal substance and getting caught (especially for getting caught). But shame on us for everything after that.
Michael Phelps lost a Kellogg sponsorship (they ignored the sweet irony of a stoner gracing the packaging of the average stoner’s favorite food) and even faced possible prosecution from a South Carolina county sheriff with a jones for the limelight.
None of this happened in the name of “impressionable children” or truth.
He wasn’t using substances that enhanced his performance (quite the opposite) and for all intents and purposes, Phelps was in private when he did what he did. If we didn’t want Phelps’ action to make an impression on children, perhaps parading it in front of them on every news cast, website and magazine article wasn’t the best path to take. And just as we demanded the truth to out, we then demanded the truth go right back right back in again by forcing Phelps to apologize for something he couldn’t have been sorry for doing. The demand to rip down the veneer of Michael Phelps’ untarnished character was voided the minute we decided a b.s. apology and a b.s. punishment were all we needed to make things right.
So here he is making a comeback from something that he shouldn’t have been absent from in the first place. It begins with the three-day Charlotte UltraSwim trial and will continue with the World Championships in Rome this summer. I can’t help but feel the secret nature of his new freestyle stroke is an ace he’s hoping to play if the bong talk follows him past his suspension.
It shouldn’t, but then again, here I am discussing it.
And if the new stroke isn’t enough to take weight off of Phelps’ love of ganja, then perhaps all that noise he made a month ago regarding his sudden lack of passion for swimming was a result of finding anything else for the media to discuss.
Even this feels like a depressed high schooler making small wrist cuts then wearing a t-shirt to show ‘em off. I can feel Phelps clamoring to be talked about and clamoring to shape the topic.
“I did make a mistake. It was stupid,” Phelps said. “There are also some important lessons that I’ve learned. It is all about recognizing that I used bad judgment and it’s a mistake I won’t make again.”
Smoking bongs at dorm parties maybe, but he’s 23-years-old. Does anyone really believe he’s an upstanding young man who’s rid himself of all poor judgment? Okay smart guy, how do you explain her then? If you think Phelps is somehow better than the average 23-year-old, then you probably also believe he was the only one at that U of S.C. party hitting that bong.
Not to get all Chris Crocker here, but leave Mikey alone. In are search for truth we made him pretend he was something he’s not – perfect. And everyone who demanded that action be taken against Phelps was also guilty of pretending that they don’t know this type of thing happens. Pretending that any punishment or public atonement, no matter how trivial and unnecessary, will somehow make Phelps come to Jesus.
Forget going to Jesus. Let’s just work on not going to Columbia after Charlotte.
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