The Sportiest of All Terminators
Let’s assume that Skynet (or Cyberdine, depending on which era we’re framing) would get ahold of a modern-day athlete and convert his or her human form into a T-800 Terminator. This isn’t the shape-shifting version, as hardcore fans know, but the Schwarzennegger version that incorporated a synthetic human flesh.
So whoever we choose would have Terminator abilities, but with their current exterior. We’re also going to assume that the person will keep some of their innate abilities (height, jumping ability) while incorporating the best of a Terminator (strength, overall killing skills).
With that, we present the top five athletes who would make the best Terminators.
Dwight Howard
If I’m John Connor, and I see a Terminator coming at me that’s Dwight Howard’s size, then I’m going to drop my gun and welcome the new robot overlords. An army of Dwights would have too much shock and awe for humans to mount any sort of serious resistance. The only drawback to a Howard-sized Terminator is they would be an easier target for a bullet because of its size. But it’d be really hard for freedom fighters to shoot when they’re too busy peeing their collective pants.
Dustin Pedroia
On the flip side from Dwight Howard, a Dustin Pedroia would be a pretty excellent choice for a Terminator because of his relatively unremarkable size. If he walked into an underground bunker, no human is going to think twice that this 5-foot-9, 180-pound guy is a Terminator. And should Dustin start wasting people, the average resistance fighter is going to enter the fight with a false confidence. I mean, who couldn’t beat up a guy Dustin Pedroia’s size? That’s when he’s got you, because he has a metal skeleton you can’t even see.
Peyton Manning
A Terminator Peyton would be effective solely for the fact that he’d come across as totally likeable. If a robot Peyton Manning infiltrates the underground bunker, every man and child will take one look at him and think, “Hey it’s Peyton Manning, what a great guy, let’s all hear what he has to say.” That’s when Peyton starts terminating. And you’d have to imagine that Skynet would outfit a Terminator Peyton with some sort of laser, rocket arm.
Danica Patrick
This one is obvious. Of all the humans that still exist in the apocalyptic future, I’m guessing none of them are going to look like Danica. A guy like John Connor will be slicking his hair back and checking his breath if he sees someone like Danica walking through the futuristic wasteland. And just like Dustin Pedroia, Danica wouldn’t seem like too much of a threat because of her size (5-foot-1). But, once again, there’s a killing machine behind those looks. She would also come in handy as some sort of Skynet pilot.
Tim Tebow
I’m not so certain Tim Tebow wouldn’t be leading the human resistance in a Terminator future. But let’s assume somehow Skynet gets ahold of Timmy and turns him into a (non-football playing) killing machine. Tebow would make a formidable Terminator because of his dual threat nature. He wouldn’t just run through the human soldiers, he’d also be jump-passing grenades all over the place. Finally, you know by sheer force of his charisma, Terminator Tebow would make a compelling case for the humans to simply give up and face their non-existent future
Posted by
Adam
on May 29th, 2009 and filed under
Miscellaneous.
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