Tebow Vs. Mothra: Go!
Tim Tebow has mastered college football. And he’ll master the NFL soon enough. But until then, we think he should take on some higher challenges. Here are three things we’d like to see Tebow face off against before he wins his third national title this upcoming 2009 college football season.
Tim Tebow versus the Joker
Let’s say Tim Tebow had to square off against Heath Ledger’s Joker, because let’s face it, Tebow would easily snuff out Jack Nicholson’s version. Tebow would do things Batman wouldn’t dream of. Tebow would flip it on the Joker and let him implant a bomb in his chest, just to show how indestructible he is. The Joker could also blow up Tebow’s girlfriend, shoot the mayor of Gainesville and turn Urban Meyer into Two-Face, but old Timmy T wouldn’t be incited into a fight, because that’s what the Joker wants. The final straw would happen after the Joker blows up the orphanage in the Philippines where Tebow worked so hard to circumcise all those newborns. But once again, Tebow will not show the slightest reaction, and the Joker would give up out of frustration and go find a day job.
Winner: Tebow
Tim Tebow versus the Recession
Had Tebow not been too busy winning another national championship, he would have been able to save all of us from this recession. There’s no question he would win in a head-to-head battle, because economic problems are simply no match. If he put his mind to it, Tim Tebow would find a way to cure the loss of jobs and resurrect Circuit City back from the dead using his own line of Tebow-related electronics. And as for Detroit? The Ford Tebow, the Chevy Timmy and the Chrysler Town and Tebow would all be bestsellers by 2010 because of their use of alternative energy. And what energy would that be? You guessed it, Tim Tebow.
Winner: Tebow
Tim Tebow versus Chuck Norris
This would be the mother to end all battles. You’ve got the most feared killing machine on the planet going toe-to-toe with Chuck Norris. We all can imagine how it might go down. Any punch that connects would cause aftershocks in Malaysia. And if blood should hit the ground, then Vatican priests would rush to collect it. Tebow and Norris would eventually realize that their battle could go one until the end of time, so we think they could simply give each other a handshake and go out for a burger.
Winner: A gentlemanly tie
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